In my early days of motherhood, I had a skewed idea of what it meant to be a great mom. I thought it involved never running out of essentials—like laundry detergent, dishwasher pods, or toilet paper—and always having a meticulously clean house. Homemade snacks? They were a daily must! I envisioned myself as the ultimate homemaker, managing every aspect of our lives. I mean, who could forget the picture-perfect families from sitcoms like The Brady Bunch?
This unrealistic standard set me up for constant disappointment. I foolishly believed that after I gave birth, I would transform into some sort of domestic goddess. But the truth was, I was still the same person who had a mountain of dirty dishes in college, driving my roommates crazy. Motherhood didn’t magically grant me new skills; if anything, it made everything more challenging. I was now tasked with keeping a tiny human alive while attempting to maintain order in the chaos.
You’d think someone as clever as me would have realized she needed help, but no! I was determined to do it all. Other moms seemed to juggle everything effortlessly, so why couldn’t I? Even as I went back to work and welcomed more kids into our family, I clung to the belief that I had to handle all the responsibilities myself. It wasn’t sleep deprivation that drove me; it was pride.
This mindset led to some pretty entertaining meltdowns. My bewildered husband would watch as I oscillated between manically trying to manage everything and collapsing under the pressure. I dismissed his offers for help because, obviously, I was the expert. I had given birth, after all! How could he possibly know the “right” way to do things?
But the reality was that the more I tried to do everything, the less I succeeded. I confused being a good mother with being a good household manager, assuming that if my home was perfectly organized, I was winning at motherhood. Ironically, my kids didn’t care if their socks matched or if the house was spotless.
It took years of this exhausting cycle for me to finally see the light. When my kids grew older, I still felt the urge to do everything for them, even tasks they were fully capable of handling. This created resentment not only toward my husband but also toward my children. They became unwilling participants in my proving-and-breaking-down routine.
Then, during another epic meltdown, I found myself shouting, “Does anyone else have arms? Can’t you see this mess?!” That was the moment it hit me: They could see the mess, and they should be helping out. I realized it was perfectly reasonable to expect assistance and, just like that, a new rule was born: “If you can do it yourself, you should.” This applied to everything—from making their beds to washing their own dishes.
I decided to step back from my self-imposed role as the family’s sole manager. Nobody can do it all, especially not a mom, and my kids were more than capable of helping out. My husband had always insisted he could handle the chores, so I made a conscious effort to trust him. Surprisingly, he was great at it, and sometimes his way was even better than mine.
At first, my kids resisted the change. They were used to me being the go-to for everything. But “If you can do it yourself, you should” became our mantra, and soon they started pitching in—doing their own dishes, laundry, and even filling their own glasses of water. They are learning to manage their little worlds, and it’s a messy but beautiful process.
I realized that I loved them and my sanity too much to continue being their maid while they lounged around. I want to set an example of teamwork and contribution. This is our home, after all, and we all need to pitch in to make it a better place.
Now that I’ve let go of my pride, I can see that teaching my kids to contribute is a gift. They learn the value of hard work and accomplishment while I get to focus on the parts of motherhood I truly enjoy—like nurturing their dreams, sharing laughs, and having deep conversations late into the night.
If you find yourself in a similar bind, feeling like a maid instead of a mom, consider taking a step back. Your kids might just surprise you.
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Summary
The journey to understanding what it truly means to be a “good mom” may involve redefining your role in the household. You don’t have to do it all alone. By encouraging your children to take responsibility, you not only lighten your load but also teach them important life skills. Embrace the chaos, foster teamwork, and remember that nurturing their hearts is the most important job of all.