As parents, how we foster good behavior in our kids often hinges on the stakes involved. I can certainly relate to the myriad factors that influence my reactions to my children’s actions. These discussions often pop up in my pediatric office, where new parents grapple with the challenges of child behavior.
Two key considerations come into play:
- Time Constraints: Do I have two hours, an entire night, or just ten minutes?
- Opportunity Costs: What am I willing to sacrifice to achieve the desired outcome?
In the blink of an eye, I evaluate these variables and make a decision. Children are astute observers, picking up on every nuance of our expressions, words, and body language. My little one, Emma, is already calculating the odds. “What will Dad do?” she ponders. “Will he be late for his appointment? Will he let me slide this time?”
To cultivate good behavior, it’s essential to harness all available tools. If we don’t, we risk losing ground and, jokingly put, raising a “difficult child.” There are several effective strategies to promote positive behavior, many of which we see mirrored in workplace training and management courses. Here’s a recap to assure you that I’m not a bad parent, despite having resorted to bribing my children on occasion.
1. Enforce Consequences
Rules mean little without consequences. The chaos we witness in the world often stems from individuals not recognizing the repercussions of their actions. Just as in life, if we don’t follow through with consequences, our children are unlikely to heed the rules we set. It’s crucial to be firm and consistent in enforcing these outcomes.
2. Clearly Communicate Expectations
It’s vital to articulate what we expect from our children. In our household, we strive to make these expectations as transparent as possible. However, as financial experts would caution, past behavior does not guarantee future outcomes. Our role as parents is to establish and communicate clear expectations.
3. Offer Rewards
Kids thrive on rewards for good behavior. This can range from simple praise and stickers to more indulgent treats (think fast food or ice cream). In addition, extra screen time or additional story time can serve as effective incentives—these methods have proven to be reliable over time.
4. Promised Rewards (Yes, I Call This Bribery)
One of the most effective motivators for my children has been a promised reward. Similar to setting clear expectations, these rewards must be explicit, concrete, and well-defined. Vague promises of “a fun time” or “some treats” won’t cut it. Instead, I find that cash works wonders as motivation. I occasionally bribe them to encourage the desired behavior, and it has yielded positive results.
We don’t use bribery excessively, but I believe that encouraging a child to engage in beneficial behavior for a reward (a form of immediate gratification) is a reasonable trade-off. This approach can prevent future struggles, whether in reading, writing, or tackling pre-calculus. While it may be less costly to bribe younger kids, teenagers can be a different story, as shown in studies. Striking a balance between responsibility and positive reinforcement is key.
Moreover, we need to establish clear boundaries—basic expectations should not be up for negotiation, but rewarding extraordinary efforts can be a worthwhile investment in their development.
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In summary, fostering positive behavior in children requires a thoughtful balance of clear communication, consistent consequences, and strategic rewards. While bribery can be effective when used judiciously, it’s essential to maintain boundaries and not compromise on fundamental expectations.
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