Who doesn’t aspire for excellence? As parents, we often find ourselves wanting our children to achieve greatness, believing they can conquer anything. This desire can create immense pressure on us to provide them with everything necessary to fulfill their wildest aspirations.
While we may not voice it, many of us secretly hope for children who earn straight A’s, claim MVP titles, or win prestigious awards. When they fall short, it feels like a reflection of our shortcomings as parents.
Societal expectations compel us to be perfect parents, to raise ideal children, and to showcase our families’ achievements in holiday letters and social media posts. However, here’s the reality check: perfectionism can severely restrict our children’s potential.
Perfection is a myth.
Seth Greenfield, a renowned author and thought leader, argues that perfection is a construct that hinders our capacity to instigate meaningful change. He states, “Perfection is an illusion that maintains the status quo. It allows you to stall, ask more questions, and generally avoid taking risks that could lead to failure.”
Let’s face it, Emma, your finger painting might not be a masterpiece, but that’s perfectly fine. It’s a finger painting! The focus should be on self-expression rather than flawlessness.
The visionaries who revolutionized art didn’t emerge fully formed as geniuses. For instance, Picasso created over 50,000 works—not all of them revolutionary. He dedicated his life to exploring new avenues of expression, free from the shackles of perfection. This mindset is crucial for cultivating true creativity.
Preparing our children for an unpredictable future isn’t about molding them into perfect beings; it’s about nurturing their innate curiosity, allowing them to be messy, and encouraging them to enjoy the process.
Perfectionism discourages courage.
In a compelling TED Talk, Laura Simmons highlights how our quest for perfection can hinder a child’s willingness to take risks. She explains that girls are often socialized to avoid failure, while boys are encouraged to embrace challenges. By adulthood, this results in women who are hesitant to negotiate or take bold steps, while men are rewarded for their risk-taking behavior.
While Laura’s insights focus on gender dynamics, they underscore a broader issue: the detrimental impact of perfectionist parenting on our children’s natural curiosity and creative bravery. Perfectionism fosters caution and aversion to risk, which stifles creativity and innovation.
If we’ve coasted through life on a straight A path, why would we ever dare to venture down a less conventional route that could result in a disappointing grade? Understandably, most kids shy away from such risks.
The upside of imperfect parenting.
The silver lining? We can all relieve the pressure to be perfect or to raise perfect kids. Spoiler alert: none of us are perfect.
As the iconic artist Salvador Dali famously said, “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” The world doesn’t need flawless individuals; it craves passionate, resilient people who can embrace imperfection. It calls for parents and children who find joy in tackling challenges, even when the solutions aren’t immediately apparent.
You’re not perfect. Your children aren’t perfect. Even trailblazers like Albert Einstein and Rosa Parks weren’t perfect.
By letting go of the need for perfection in creativity, we alleviate pressure and make the fear of failure less daunting. This shift opens the door to taking risks, experimenting, and boldly exploring the unknown.
And that’s when the magic happens.
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Summary:
Perfectionist parenting can stifle children’s creativity and inhibit their willingness to take risks. By letting go of the pursuit of flawlessness, parents can foster a more expressive and courageous environment for their children. Embracing imperfection not only reduces pressure but also encourages exploration and innovation.