This past weekend, while I was at a soccer match, I took a moment during halftime to glance around. Almost everyone in the stands was glued to their phones (myself included, naturally). I imagined they were firing off texts to their partners about picking up dinner or sending updates to friends who couldn’t make it. Perhaps they were scrolling through social media—who knows?
As I was busy pinning ideas for a new hairstyle on Pinterest, I noticed a little girl in a pink swing coat and a blue knit beanie sitting quietly, observing the crowd. She seemed to be the only one at the game without a device in hand, and there was a certain longing in her eyes that suggested she wished for one of those shiny gadgets. It got me thinking: If toddlers could send texts, what would they chat about? The possibilities are hilarious! I can imagine them exchanging messages filled with tales of potty mishaps and strategies for being adorable little rascals.
Yo, I had two blowouts today! Mom had to toss one of my outfits because those peas from last night went rogue. I was bouncing in my swing and just let it all out. LOL.
Mom dragged me through Target again. I screamed the whole time. She was so annoyed, but honestly, IDGAF. I’m so over that stupid red cart. It’s been a rough day. Just wanna chill with my Binky, ya know?
Mom is sipping that fancy pink stuff again. It makes her all happy and relaxed. I keep trying to snag some, but she keeps snatching it away and giving me my sippy cup instead. Seriously, when do I get the pretty juice in a fancy glass?
Mom claims on Facebook that she makes all my food from scratch and it’s organic! NFW—it’s coming from a jar with a kid that looks just like me. So cray-cray.
Hey, if you throw stuff off your high chair, someone will keep picking it up for you! It’s a blast—works great in the shopping cart too! I could do this forever.
FYI, if you bite down while nursing, your mama will take away your milky-juice so fast you won’t believe it. Trust me, don’t bite the nipple. It’s scary when she makes that weird face and starts crying.
Guess what? I finally got my hands on some scissors and some alone time! My bangs are on fleek now.
Just so you know, if you flush your favorite lovey down the toilet, it doesn’t come back, and you get really wet. Don’t do it, dude.
OMG, I totally pissed on my own face during a diaper change today. It freaked me out, and I cried, so keep it on the low, but it was hilarious! LOL.
Mom checked my diaper and got poop on her finger again! Seriously, why does she keep doing this?
No way I’m napping today. I’ve got this new Paw Patrol book, and I can’t put it down! It’s the best.
Playdate is today! Can’t wait to CU in a bit. Mom got those new squeeze yogurts. We can smear them all over each other!
Last night was wild, and mom is super mad this morning while drinking her black coffee. I’ll try to behave tonight, but honestly, nighttime is when I come alive!
Man, you don’t know pain until you start teething. This is no joke. Being a year old is tough!
Tommy came over yesterday. Can’t stand that kid. He’s all potty trained and thinks he’s hot stuff. It’s all his mom talked about. She took our picture and put it on Facebook, and of course, I’m in a big diaper while he’s not. I’ve got to step up my potty training game.
I’m in the car now, can’t wait to get home and ditch these pants. I just want to be free!
Sometimes, I like to kick back with my buddy Caillou, but mom keeps changing the channel. What’s up with that? I miss him; he gets me.
Guess what? I figured out how to buy video games from the iPad! I’m a genius. I’ll share the scoop with you next time we hit the park!
While it would be super entertaining to see the kinds of messages these tiny humans would send, it’s comforting to know they still have a year or two before they get hooked on screens. As I sat on the bleachers, and the little girl caught my eye, I realized I’d rather watch her than my phone. So, I slipped my phone into my bag and handed her a leaf that was nearby. Even though she tossed it aside to reach for my phone, those few seconds she spent marveling at the leaf felt pretty magical.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our other posts, like how to navigate the world of at-home insemination kits.
Summary: This playful piece imagines what toddlers would text if they could, filled with humorous anecdotes about their daily struggles and antics. It reflects on the innocence of childhood and the joy of disconnecting from technology to engage with the world around us.