Once upon a time, I stumbled upon a solitary turd lounging on my laundry room floor. This mid-sized nugget starkly contrasted the smooth linoleum, drawing my attention. I squinted and mentally reviewed the house’s inhabitants — three kids, two dogs, and a cat — trying to figure out who had “made a deposit.” I could confidently eliminate myself and my partner from the list of suspects, leaving the rest as potential culprits. Regardless of the origin, that lone poop had to be addressed, so I tackled it with the expertise of a seasoned poop-cleaning pro. In the grand scheme of my adult life’s messes, one turd didn’t seem like much.
Yet, that was precisely what bugged me: It was just one turd, not a pile. Every parent knows that fecal surprises typically come in groups, akin to cockroaches or mice. This warranted further investigation. I conducted a thorough sweep of the laundry room and the downstairs, a search so meticulous it would impress even a seasoned detective. But I found nothing — no traces or clues to indicate the poop’s origin or any accompanying siblings.
The only conclusion I could muster was that it originated from the cats’ litter box. Perhaps one of the dogs had carried a stray nugget down like a trophy. It was a stretch, but it was the best explanation I could devise. Sometimes, there are no clear answers.
Later, I returned to the laundry room (my second home while juggling cooking and carpooling). I was there to retrieve my son’s sheets and comforter from the washer. As I opened the door, I was greeted by the usual fresh scent of detergent — but this time, something foul lingered. My expert nose immediately identified the culprit: poop.
Something was definitely amiss. I hesitated, hoping the problem might magically resolve itself. That’s when I spotted it: a waxy brown smudge on the washer door’s clear window, followed by a similar mark on the seal that had a slightly grainy texture. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks — I had washed a pile of poop.
Suddenly, everything clicked. When I stripped my son’s bedding earlier, I had tossed it in a heap on the floor, intending to transfer it directly to the washer. But, you know how it is — the phone rang, I got distracted with dishes, and cupcakes needed eating. Hours later, I finally loaded the washer, unaware that one of my dogs had decided to take a dump on the pile in the meantime. I unknowingly bundled it all up and brought it to the laundry room. OMG.
I still can’t fathom why I didn’t catch the smell earlier. Sure, my son’s bedding needed washing, but it wasn’t that filthy. Perhaps I was breathing through my mouth, or maybe one of the kids had used the nearby bathroom without activating the stink fan. Who knows?
In any case, the mystery of the lone turd was solved. The washer was sanitized, and I rewashed the bedding — twice, just to be safe. I learned a valuable lesson, which I now pass on to you: Pockets aren’t the only thing you need to check before tossing laundry into the wash.
As the saying goes, “You can’t polish a turd,” but I can say I gave it a shot, albeit unintentionally!
For more parenting tips and amusing anecdotes, check out our other posts, like this one on terms and conditions. If you’re interested in home insemination, Make a Mom is a great authority on the topic. Additionally, UCSF’s Center offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This humorous tale recounts a parent’s shocking discovery of a single turd in the laundry room, leading to a comedic investigation into its origins. The narrative highlights the chaos of parenting and the valuable lesson learned about checking laundry before washing.