What letter is this? I ask my newly minted 5-year-old, who stares at the paper, his little face scrunched up in concentration. “E!” he declares with utmost confidence, before returning to his toys. “It’s a Z, Leo,” I respond. “The very last letter of the alphabet!” You’d think that would be a big deal. “Got it, Mom,” he shrugs.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting with my 6-year-old, Mia. We dive into Alice in Wonderland, taking turns reading paragraphs. She stumbles over a few words but does a fantastic job sounding them out. In fact, she fumbles more with familiar words than with the new ones. We’ve already tackled Peter Pan, and I’m all about giving my kids top-notch literature, carefully selecting books that suit Mia’s reading level and attention span.
Then there’s Leo. While Mia was confidently identifying letters at 3 thanks to his obsession with an educational app, Leo seems far more interested in building elaborate forts and engaging in epic battles with his plastic dinosaurs. I’ve tried every trick in the book to help him learn his letters—letter stamps, doodling, hands-on crafts. We’ve made bugs out of pipe cleaners, glued buttons onto paper to form Bs, and even crafted giant octopuses sporting hats for the letter O. We’ve read every alphabet book I could get my hands on.
But nothing seems to stick. Each day, he forgets yesterday’s lesson. Meanwhile, Mia is zooming through Frog and Toad and preparing to graduate to chapter books, while my youngest struggles to recognize the letter A, let alone spell his name. After countless crafts, videos, and sleepless nights filled with worry, I finally had to take a step back, breathe, and accept Leo’s pace.
Kids grow at different rates, and my two boys are a perfect example of this. It’s not uncommon for children to start kindergarten without knowing their letters; I recall singing songs about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” just to help my peers learn. In Finland, they don’t introduce reading until age 7, yet they’re ranked high in literacy according to the latest PISA report. I remind myself that Leo is well within the global average for his age.
The expectation for kids to enter kindergarten already grasping reading skills is a relatively recent phenomenon. Early childhood education has shifted from play-based learning to a focus on letters and simple words. This is one of the reasons we opted for homeschooling—because I believe early childhood should be about exploration rather than sitting at a desk. Leo didn’t attend preschool; instead, he spent his time constructing forts with his brothers and turning his dinosaurs into characters. If Finland’s approach proves anything, it’s that this type of play is precisely what he needs.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I think of a friend whose radical unschooling led him to read at age 10. He eventually taught himself using the works of Charles Dickens and now thrives in his dream career.
Leo is making progress. We’ve finally discovered a reading program that he loves and is sticking with. He’s mastered the first five letters of the alphabet and can identify them consistently, along with their sounds. At this pace, he should know them all shortly. However, I probably won’t be able to start a formal reading program with him until he turns 6.
He may be the last reader in our homeschool group, but I’m confident he’ll catch up. Research shows that late readers perform just as well as early readers in the long run. I do face some family pressure for him to learn more, and I can only imagine the raised eyebrows when I share that he doesn’t know his letters yet. But Leo seems completely unfazed. Sometimes, it’s just me who needs to take a deep breath.
If you’re navigating a similar journey, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination, as well as this related blog post for more insights.
In summary, every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to let them explore and learn in their own way, free from undue pressure.