Last year, I was lucky enough to have a week off from work, and somehow, amidst the chaos of having three kids at home, I ended up with a brief moment of solitude. My partner, Jamie, had taken our two oldest out, leaving our 1-year-old peacefully napping.
If you were to ask me about my ideal getaway, I’d jokingly respond, “A pizza and some uninterrupted TV time.” But there’s a grain of truth in that humor. As a parent to three kids under 9, I deeply crave some time for myself. I daydream about all the tasks I could tackle without the little ones underfoot. My home would be tidier, I’d actually find time to work out, and I could finally indulge in movies that aren’t on repeat like Frozen. I could dive into books, hang out with friends, and live a life that isn’t solely focused on diaper changes and school pick-ups.
I know I’m not alone in these thoughts; many parents feel the same way, and it’s not because we don’t adore our children—because I absolutely do. It’s just that parenting lacks an “off” switch. Breaks are few and far between, so when we finally get a moment to ourselves, guilt tends to creep in, leaving us feeling like we’re neglecting our responsibilities.
Take my experience with that Netflix movie, for example. With Aspen napping and the other kids out, I decided to watch an action flick—something I never get to enjoy because Jamie despises them and the kids are too young for such content. But as I watched, guilt washed over me. I felt I should be doing something else, though I couldn’t quite pinpoint what that was.
This feeling of guilt strikes every time I manage to snag some alone time. I yearn for it while I’m at work, but when it finally happens, I can’t shake the anxiety that I should be attending to family needs instead. Honestly, it feels like part of me is missing when the kids aren’t around.
It’s a perplexing feeling, and I’m not entirely sure what it means, but I suspect it’s tied to the transformative nature of parenthood. After nearly a decade as a dad, I’ve clung to just two hobbies: cycling (though that’s fading) and writing. I find time to write each day, but only in the early hours when the house is still quiet, so I don’t feel guilty for taking time for myself.
If you’re not a parent, you might find it strange that taking time for oneself can feel so daunting. But that’s the reality of parenting—it’s all-consuming. My kids are my everything. I think about them constantly, and yes, I write about them almost exclusively these days. While it may sound obsessive, it’s truly not.
I recently watched a documentary titled The Other F Word, featuring former punk rockers reflecting on their transition to fatherhood. Flea, the bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, shared a profound thought: “The classic parenting attitude is like, ‘I brought you into this world. I gave you life.’ But I feel the opposite: My kids gave me life. They gave me a reason.”
I resonate with that sentiment. Reflecting on my life pre-kids, filled with mindless movie nights and carefree hangouts, I realize I wasn’t truly living. The joy of teaching my son to ride a bike far surpasses any personal bike ride I could take. Helping my daughter learn to write brings me more fulfillment than finishing even the best essay.
This realization is why I feel unproductive during my rare moments of solitude; parenting is inherently significant. It’s both the most challenging and rewarding endeavor I’ve ever undertaken. Even when I fantasize about escaping my minivan and running wild in the woods, I look back on those chaotic moments with pride—knowing I’ve played a part in shaping my children into better individuals.
Of course, my peace didn’t last long. Just as I was getting into the groove of my film, Aspen woke up. But that’s okay—I hadn’t been paying attention anyway. I switched off the TV and headed to her room, where she was reaching for me, her little face tousled from sleep. As I lifted her up, she calmed down, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Did you miss me?” I asked, and she gently touched my cheek.
“I missed you too,” I replied.
For more insights on parenting and home life, check out this resource for additional support. And if you’re interested in home insemination kits, you might want to explore this site for expert advice. Additionally, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while parents often yearn for alone time, it can bring about feelings of guilt and anxiety. The all-consuming nature of parenthood makes it hard to enjoy those moments fully, even when they are desperately needed.