Being a single mother in recovery from alcoholism is no easy journey. One significant rule I’ve been told is to avoid dating for at least a year. This guideline, shared in my support group, suggests that it takes this long to truly clear my mind and focus on self-discovery. While some may argue that a year isn’t sufficient, I’m willing to embrace this time frame as a challenge. The reality is, I have always had a fondness for men, dating back to my preschool crush. This makes the idea of a year-long dating hiatus quite overwhelming.
I understand the reasoning behind this rule: it’s essential to be at peace with myself and concentrate on personal growth. Yet, the solitude can be daunting. I live alone, don’t drive, and when I’m not busy with my outpatient program, AA meetings, or my children, I often find myself spending extended periods alone in my apartment. Conversations with myself have become a norm, and let’s just say, I’m not always my favorite company.
Occasionally, I receive invitations for dates. But I can’t help but wonder how honest I should be about my current circumstances. “Sorry, I can’t meet you because I don’t drive. And drinks? Not an option since I’m an alcoholic. As for work, I’m currently unemployed, relying on state assistance and spending my days in an outpatient program.” It’s a tough sell, to say the least!
It would be easy for me to revert to my old ways of storytelling, fabricating stories about my life to make me seem more appealing. I could say my car is in the shop or create a convincing excuse for not drinking. I could even don my old attorney suits and pretend I’m coming straight from work. Yet, living an honest life is what I strive for now, and I don’t want to compromise that.
Taking a break from relationships might actually enrich other aspects of my life. After all, who would genuinely want to be with someone in my current state? It’s hard to trust anyone—especially when they could be just as broken as I am. Recently, an old colleague reached out, sending me selfies in his uniform, thinking it would entice me. Spoiler alert: it didn’t!
Let’s face it; even though I’m focused on recovery and self-care, I still have human needs. I’ve been reflecting on the support I’ve received since my hospitalization—housing assistance, a food stamps card, and even help with utility bills. All of these resources are invaluable as I work towards getting back on my feet. But if I’m to remain single for a year, can we at least agree that a vibrator should be included in the support package? Just saying!
This morning, as I prepared for my outpatient program, I noticed a positive change in myself—I looked healthier and felt good about it. It was a nice moment, just for me. I used to avoid mirrors because I didn’t respect myself, but I’m slowly learning to appreciate who I am. I even found myself dancing around to Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” It’s essential to find balance during this time alone, but I believe I’m on the right path toward a stronger relationship with myself.
In summary, being a single mom in recovery is a complex journey filled with challenges and growth opportunities. Embracing solitude allows for personal reflection and healing, even if it feels uncomfortable at times. Taking a step back from dating can be beneficial, helping me discover who I am without the influence of others. It’s not an easy road, but I’m committed to making the most of it. If you’re interested in learning more about recovery and support, check out this insightful blog post or visit Make a Mom for reputable home insemination kits.
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