Parenting can present some surprising challenges. I never imagined I would be saying things like, “Don’t use your brother as a human napkin,” or my personal favorite, “Please stop pretending your fork is a sword.” And while I always promised I wouldn’t resort to excessive screen time or junk food, the reality of parenting has proven that situations can change our best intentions.
But through all the unexpected twists and turns, there’s one thing I can confidently say I will never tell my sons: “Toughen up.”
Changing the Narrative for Our Daughters
We’re making strides in teaching our daughters (and rightly so!) that they can pursue anything a boy can. Today’s girls aren’t burdened with the same “act like a lady” messages that previous generations faced. They are encouraged to break free from outdated gender roles and step into spaces once dominated by men. When girls show “boyish” traits, they’re celebrated for their strength and confidence.
The Pressure on Our Boys
Contrarily, our boys are often pressured to conform to rigid standards of masculinity—dominance, stoicism, and athleticism are the benchmarks. If they show any “feminine” qualities, they’re labeled as weak and are often bullied by those who’ve been conditioned to embrace traditional masculinity. This is not only unfair to our boys but a real tragedy.
Having three sons myself, I’ve come to understand that they’re inherently sweet, empathetic beings—until someone tells them otherwise. They experience the full spectrum of emotions—insecurities, fears, sadness—just like everyone else. Yet, many boys are pressured to suppress these feelings for fear of being judged as “not manly.” But where do those emotions go? They can’t just vanish; they fester, potentially manifesting as frustration or anger. And if a boy dares to let those emotions slip, someone is bound to say, “Toughen up,” or “Don’t be a wuss.”
The Freedom to Express Emotions
As a woman, I’ve always had the freedom to express my emotions. I can cry in public or show compassion without ridicule—whether it’s over a heart-wrenching news story or a touching movie scene. A man, however, often feels he must limit his emotional reactions to a mere grimace or head shake.
By encouraging our boys to hide their feelings, we deny them the opportunity to develop vital emotional skills. How can they create deep connections with others if they can’t even acknowledge their own feelings? The societal pressure to remain stoic robs them of the chance to become well-rounded individuals, impacting their relationships and professional lives. Why would we want this for the boys we cherish? Why would we want this for the men they’re meant to become?
Encouraging Emotional Expression
One of the greatest gifts I can give my sons is the freedom to express their emotions without judgment. I’ll never tell them to hold back their tears. Instead, I’ll wrap them in a hug and reassure them that it’s perfectly fine to be sad or disappointed. I will never suggest that something they enjoy isn’t “for boys.”
For instance, my 4-year-old loves his sparkly pink-and-purple My Little Pony Crocs and wears them with pride. When another child told him they were “girl shoes,” he looked at me, concerned. I told him they were awesome shoes, and he should love them regardless of what anyone else thinks. Personal tastes and natural inclinations shouldn’t be confined by gender norms.
Reconsidering Masculinity
That’s why I’ll never tell my sons to “toughen up.” As long as society labels sensitivity, empathy, and compassion as “feminine,” we’re doing a disservice to all children. We all experience the same emotional spectrum, and we should be free to express it however it arises.
Boys will be loving, compassionate beings until society pressures them to conform. It’s time we reconsider what it truly means to be a man.
Further Reading
If you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, you can check out this post or visit Make a Mom for authority on the subject. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, encouraging our sons to express their emotions is crucial for their development. By rejecting outdated notions of masculinity, we pave the way for them to become well-rounded individuals who thrive in their personal and professional lives.