If you’re not already acquainted with attachment parenting, it’s a style of raising kids often marked by co-sleeping, feeding on demand, responding swiftly to a baby’s cries, and employing gentle discipline. If this approach doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly okay. This isn’t a critique of traditional parenting methods, which undoubtedly have their own set of advantages that I might not fully grasp.
However, I do have firsthand experience with attachment parenting. All four of our kiddos were raised this way, and I want to offer some reassurance to those parents who might glance at their sleeping child in bed and worry about spoiling them. I’m addressing the mom who feels like a human pacifier or the couple who hasn’t had a weekend getaway since their baby arrived because of nursing, questioning whether it’s worth it. If you find yourself in these shoes, keep reading.
We didn’t set out to practice attachment parenting. In fact, when we welcomed our first little one, we hadn’t really considered what kind of parents we would be. It just naturally unfolded.
When our son arrived, both he and we found better sleep when he was close by, so we became a co-sleeping family. I’ve never been one for rigid schedules, so it made sense for me to nurse on demand—day or night, I was on call 24/7. This made it nearly impossible to leave him for any length of time, so we simply didn’t. And those hefty baby carriers? My back was not a fan. Before long, it became easier to carry him in my arms or in a sling.
Within weeks, we found ourselves fully immersed in attachment parenting. While this approach felt natural and enjoyable, I still wrestled with doubts about our unconventional choices, despite encouragement from my parents, grandparents, and even Dr. Sears.
There were definitely moments that made me second-guess our decisions. For instance, when our firstborn hit age four, he developed a serious case of separation anxiety. Had we made him too reliant on us? By age five, our second child was still sneaking into our bed at night. Was that typical? Our third child wanted to be carried almost constantly during her first eighteen months. Was that okay? And our youngest? Well, he didn’t start talking as early as the rest. Were we spoiling him by catering to his every need?
If only I had known back then what I know now: my kids are turning out just fine—actually, they’re pretty great! Sure, they’re not all grown up yet; only one has flown the nest, and our youngest is only twelve. But so far, so good. I genuinely like who they’re becoming. While I don’t credit all their wonderfulness to attachment parenting, I do believe that being enveloped in love during their formative years has had a profoundly positive impact on them.
Here are some long-term benefits I’ve observed from attachment parenting:
- Kindness Abounds: My kids aren’t perfect, but they genuinely strive to be kind—whether to me, each other, or classmates who might be struggling. Attachment kids seem to grow up expecting kindness in return when they cry or need support.
- Fostering Independence: A common concern about attachment parenting is that it breeds overly dependent children, but that’s far from the truth. While they may not have been independent at ages three or four, as tweens and teens, they are confident and capable.
- Affectionate Nature: It’s been a while since we’ve heard the pitter-patter of little feet in the middle of the night (yes, they eventually sleep in their own beds!), but my kids are still all about the snuggles. My twelve-year-old still cuddles up with me for movie nights, while my teenage daughters cozy up together, sharing giggles over their favorite shows.
- Healthy Attachments: Despite warnings against being friends with your kids, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. There’s a unique ease in our relationships, especially during those sometimes tumultuous teenage years.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Sure, my kids squabble. My attachment parenting friends’ kids do too. But amidst the bickering is a deep-seated love that likely stems from our strong family connection.
- Happiness is Key: All of the attachment kids I know (mine included) are genuinely happy. They experienced early childhood nestled in the arms of their parents, showered with love and affection. Dr. Sears likens attachment parenting to feeding a hungry child—when you meet a child’s emotional needs, they thrive.
Attachment parenting isn’t the only path to parenting. My kids are far from perfect, and I’ve made my share of mistakes. But I truly admire who they are at their core.
I’m not a parenting guru, and I don’t pretend to be. Back when I was a young mom trying to navigate the challenges, it wasn’t the experts who calmed my worries; it was other mothers sharing what worked for them. Attachment parenting was our path, and if it resonates with you, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride. Yes, it can be demanding at times, but remember: the time is fleeting, and you’re creating cherished memories and remarkable kids.
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Summary
Attachment parenting, though unplanned, can lead to nurturing relationships and happy, independent children. While it may come with doubts, the benefits of kindness, affection, and strong family bonds are worth the investment.