When I was about 10 years old, I burst into my aunt’s cozy New England kitchen and stumbled upon a conversation between her and my mom. They both wore expressions of shock, shaking their heads as they sipped their black coffee. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop as they lamented:
“She’s so inappropriate, dancing on that stage in a wedding dress.”
“And those lyrics! Honestly, I wanted to crawl under the seat when I heard them in the car with the kids. So embarrassing!”
It was 1984, and they were talking about Madonna’s now-iconic performance of “Like a Virgin” at the MTV Music Awards. Madonna was my favorite artist; she had that fabulous big hair, ’80s fashion perfection, and she was known for pushing boundaries. Plus, she was a real movie star thanks to her role in Desperately Seeking Susan (and I use the term “success” loosely). Listening to my mom and aunt express their disapproval of the music I loved left me baffled.
At the time, I had no clue what the word “virgin” even meant, and while I belted out the lyrics into my hairbrush in front of the mirror, it would be years before I grasped the song’s meaning. To her credit, my mom didn’t stop me from listening to the radio—she even tucked a Beastie Boys cassette, Licensed to Ill, into my Easter basket that same year. She turned a blind ear to the music that blasted from my teenage bedroom, which is why I believe in not censoring music for my own teenagers.
Our home is always alive with music. We play tunes during meals, while we tackle chores, and even during our downtime. My husband and I love various genres, from ’80s hits to country, and we also enjoy the smooth sounds of jazz and the artistry of rap. You can bet that at any moment, our house is filled with music, and yes, sometimes the lyrics might raise an eyebrow. My kids hear words—gasp—they might even sing along to lyrics that would make my mom faint if she heard them coming out of my 11-year-old’s mouth.
My kids can rap along to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” and Tone Lōc’s “Wild Thing.” They’ve watched me belt out Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” and Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” We’ve created priceless memories, from teaching them the cabbage patch in our living room to them rolling their eyes as my husband and I slow dance to our wedding song in the kitchen.
Music is woven into the fabric of our family life, and I’m confident that a few explicit lyrics aren’t corrupting them. When they’ve asked about certain song lyrics, I’ve answered their questions honestly. I won’t sugarcoat it; explaining “my anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun” was a bit awkward. But as uncomfortable as that chat was, it won’t stop me from tuning in when Sir Mix-a-Lot comes on the radio—he reminds me that I can forgo sit-ups. Ahem.
Take the soundtrack of Hamilton: An American Musical, for instance. My kids are obsessed with Lin-Manuel Miranda’s brilliant lyrics, and they listen to it on their iPods constantly. Sure, there are explicit lyrics and adult themes, but my kids have gained a better understanding of history thanks to Miranda’s music. They get excited when their school lessons align with the lyrics they know by heart, and they burst into laughter whenever King George III is mentioned because the actor makes history fun for them. How could it be wrong to overlook a few curse words when it inspires your kids to learn?
So no, I won’t be the mom sitting at the kitchen table cringing when my kids listen to “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry or “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. In fact, I’ll be swaying my hips while cooking when Robin Thicke sings about “Blurred Lines,” and you can bet I’ll crank up the volume on any P!nk song that plays.
The music that fills our home is no more shocking than what I grew up with, and I take pride in knowing my kids are exposed to the cultural diversity that music brings into our lives—even if Sir Mix-a-Lot makes it a little tricky sometimes. For more insights, check out this post on our blog about home insemination.
In summary, I believe that music is a crucial part of childhood and family life, and by not censoring it, my kids learn to navigate the complexities of language, culture, and history in a fun way. We embrace music’s diversity and richness, knowing it helps shape their understanding of the world.