Recently, I found myself in a riveting game of Candyland with my spirited 3-year-old, Leo. He was just a few steps away from reaching King Kandy’s castle and was bubbling with excitement. But, as is the way with this thrilling game, fate took a turn, and he was sent back to Grandma Nutt’s house. His face fell, his little brow furrowed, and he declared that he wasn’t going to Grandma’s at all—he was staying put!
I gently reminded him that we had to follow the rules, which meant we could both be sent backward, and that we would keep playing until someone emerged victorious. I reassured him that winning wasn’t everything and that we could always play again later.
I anticipated a meltdown, but instead, he sulked briefly and then accepted his fate, heading back to Grandma Nutt’s. I couldn’t believe how smoothly he handled this moment of disappointment. It took me back to when I played Candyland with my older son, Max, at the same age. He wasn’t quite as graceful—he sent the entire game board flying across the room after a similar setback. Talk about a competitive spirit!
Max’s desire to win only intensified as he grew. If he wasn’t on top, he often concocted wild excuses about why he should be declared the winner or claimed that someone had cheated. His antics sometimes embarrassed me in front of family and friends. To avoid these situations, I often steered clear of competitive games with him, or I insisted he play fairly and accept the outcome gracefully.
Though things improved over time, Max remained focused on perfection and achievement, a trait that was sometimes more maddening than encouraging. He was recognized as gifted, and I learned that many gifted children tend to exhibit high levels of competitiveness and perfectionism. This can be a challenge, especially when dealing with a 5-year-old who appears ready to combust at any moment during a game of Go Fish!
However, a remarkable shift has occurred as Max has matured. Now at 9 years old, he’s still passionate but much more self-aware. He registers his disappointment but manages his emotions better. He still prefers to win, but he’s learned not to be a sore loser.
This competitive nature has evolved into a powerful drive for success. If he scores a less-than-stellar grade on a test, he’s the one who decides to study harder for the next one. Even when he’s exhausted, I’ve seen him wake up early without prompting to finish his homework.
Last year, Max’s entire class received recorders, and I quickly found myself investing in earplugs! He decided he wanted to master every song in the music book before anyone else, practicing diligently and impressing his music teacher along the way. Pretty amazing, huh?
While I’m proud of his determination, I do worry. Life isn’t always fair, and he’ll face setbacks, even when he excels. It’s crucial that he learns how to navigate those failures. I strive to create an environment where he can express his frustrations and fears. I offer encouragement and guidance on how to channel his traits positively while addressing his shortcomings.
Max has certainly come a long way since the days of launching Candyland across the room. I’m proud every day of the bright, ambitious young man he’s turning into.
To all the parents of fiery, competitive kiddos, hang in there. Take a breath. It gets better. One day, you’ll witness your child’s fierce spirit blossom into a self-directed force ready to tackle the world.
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Summary
This article chronicles the journey of a mother navigating her son’s competitive temperament, reflecting on how his fiery spirit has transformed from a source of frustration to a driving force for success. As he learns to manage his emotions and embrace challenges, she finds pride in his growth and determination to excel, offering advice to other parents facing similar situations.