From the moment a baby arrives, after checking off fingers, toes, and general well-being, most moms find themselves fervently wishing for one thing: a good sleeper. Ideally, this would happen sooner rather than later. The first night might be a stretch—everyone knows newborns need time—but eventually, sleep is essential for functioning in the chaos of motherhood.
My first child was a masterclass in poor sleeping habits. Initially, she seemed like a dream, snoozing through the night at just five or six weeks. But then she began to struggle with growth, and I ended up waking her every two hours for feedings. So basically, I turned her into a rough sleeper. Fantastic! Even after she no longer needed those nighttime feedings, she still expected me to rush to her every time she cried, often resulting in dramatic episodes that involved throwing up. Good times for nearly two years!
Is your little one showing signs of being a less-than-ideal sleeper? Here are the five stages of grief every mom navigates when she comes to terms with the fact that her baby might not be a great sleeper. Which stage are you in?
1. Denial
This stage usually kicks in after those first few weeks. Denial can be a long-lasting coping mechanism. Surely, things will improve, right? You’ve heard countless stories of babies settling into a routine by now. But a million reasons explain why your baby isn’t on that path: they’re hungry, they’re growing, they’re hitting a sleep regression! Maybe you just need to keep telling yourself it’ll get better.
2. Anger
Anger can arise at any point, from a few weeks to around six months. You finally confront the reality that this sleeplessness is your new normal. And as other parents brag about their babies sleeping through the night by six weeks, one thought ricochets in your mind: It’s. Not. Fair. You may find yourself resenting those parents, even your own, who can’t fathom why your child isn’t sleeping well when you were such an easy kid. You might even find yourself giving the side-eye to that Baby Sleep Guide you once considered a holy book.
3. Bargaining
This is often the moment when you either consider hiring a sleep consultant or give in to the chorus of friends recommending sleep training methods. You’d do anything for a good night’s rest—even if it means some tough love on your baby. Or perhaps you finally relent and let the little one snuggle into your bed, convincing yourself it’s just a temporary fix. “Oh, it’s only until we get through this cold/teething/sleep regression!” Spoiler alert: that rarely works out as planned.
4. Depression
Around the five to six-month mark, the realization sets in that your sleep situation is unlikely to change anytime soon. This can feel utterly hopeless. You might find yourself stuck in a cycle of sleep training every time there’s a regression or illness, leading to the grim acceptance that you may never reclaim the intimacy of your relationship—at least not while the baby is in the room. The outlook can feel bleak, and it’s tough to see a way forward.
5. Acceptance
Eventually, you’ll reach a point of giving in (which could be seen as acceptance, too). You might start relying on that extra cup of coffee in the mornings and allow yourself to doze off during your favorite shows. You’ll begin to understand that this stage of sleeplessness won’t last forever. In just a few years, your child may be capable of sleeping through anything—even a thunderstorm while camping in the woods! Instead of taking forever to drift off, you might find that your little one falls asleep the moment the lights go out.
And if you can’t see the end of the tunnel just yet, at least you know there’s always another cup of joe waiting for you in the morning.
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Summary
Every mom grapples with the reality of her baby’s poor sleeping habits through five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While the sleepless nights can feel endless, there is hope for the future as children eventually learn to sleep soundly. With some humor and a lot of coffee, moms can navigate this challenging phase of motherhood.