Updated: December 14, 2014
Originally Published: September 9, 2012
I find myself fielding the “Daddy Question” about once a week. Initially, it made me cringe—I was uncertain how to respond and worried that a wrong answer might leave my children emotionally scarred for life. I imagined a future where we’d be sitting in family therapy, trying to untangle their resentment towards me for not providing the “perfect” answer.
However, my perspective has shifted. I’ve come to realize that there are far more significant reasons my kids might need therapy, and this question isn’t even close to making the cut. In fact, I’ve developed a few responses over time. My all-time favorite? “Finding someone special enough to be your daddy takes time.”
When my children were younger, they didn’t grasp the complexities of that question. They probably thought I could just stroll down to the store, pick out a father figure, and bring him home. They were puzzled as to why it was taking so long. Now, at six years old, they understand that relationships are intricate. They’ve even taken it upon themselves to play matchmaker.
Last year, my son came home thrilled to share that his friend had an uncle with a beard, a jeep, and a jet pack—apparently, that’s what he believed would make the ideal father. I was intrigued by the jet pack but decided to let that one go.
Just this past weekend, my kids concocted a plan to set me up with the local juggler. My son was convinced that having a juggling dad would elevate his status among friends. He spun an elaborate tale about how fantastic it would be to show off his new dad’s skills. My daughter was equally excited. I felt a wave of relief when the juggler didn’t show up at our church event—imagine the scene if my kids had started shouting, “Do you want to marry our mommy?” in the middle of his act!
While my kids may be a bit overzealous, I must admit that after five years of singlehood, I’m starting to feel like a lost cause. I empathize with other single moms striving to juggle family commitments and a social life or dating scene. However, I face an additional hurdle that no calendar or dependable babysitter can resolve: my past leaves me questioning whether I can truly open my heart to a partner, or if I’m too damaged.
I’ve pondered this frequently. I know I have the capacity to love—I cherish my two wonderful children with all my heart and have learned to trust a select few individuals. I maintain solid professional relationships, but intimacy is a different beast. It brings me back to my original wounds. To be fair, intimacy is tricky for anyone who has faced significant trauma.
Some friends find my single status perplexing and don’t understand my decision to wait. A few have jokingly suggested that I must be a lesbian, perhaps reflecting the societal belief that women don’t choose to remain single. I did consider the possibility of an intimate relationship with another woman, thinking it might be simpler given my history. However, I came to two realizations: first, a healthy relationship with anyone requires trust and vulnerability; and second, I’d prefer not to be distracted by David Beckham’s underwear commercials.
So for now, I wait. I’m working on building my trust and learning to open up to others. I practice saying no when the wrong people come along and focus on standing in my newfound strength and voice. I’m committed to cultivating patience and acceptance of where I am in life, and I hold onto hope that one day, I will feel ready to say yes.
For more insights on the journey of parenthood and navigating complex questions, check out this related blog post. If you’re considering at-home insemination options, this reputable retailer offers excellent syringe kits. Additionally, WebMD provides a wealth of information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, navigating the complexities of parenthood and personal relationships can be daunting. While the “Daddy Question” may provoke anxiety, embracing the journey with patience and self-compassion is key.
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