As a 40-year-old man, I’ve had my fair share of experiences in locker rooms. In those rare moments when I’m not preoccupied with my own thoughts or trying to avoid the sight of older gentlemen who seem to have a preference for nudity in midtown gym showers, I’ve engaged in various conversations with fellow guys—friends and strangers alike.
However, I can honestly say I’ve never had a discussion about sexual assault or even casually boasted about it. And let’s be clear: the term “locker room talk” doesn’t mean it has to take place near actual lockers. It’s a catch-all phrase for the kind of conversations men have when it’s just guys around, whether we’re in our man caves, at poker tables, or tucked away in a dive bar.
Sure, guys can be a bit crude. Hanging out with other men often turns into a contest of who can tell the funniest or most outrageous story, who makes the most money, or who can bench press the most weight. It’s all very juvenile and not something to brag about. In a testosterone-fueled environment, men might say things they wouldn’t dare say elsewhere, including things that aren’t even true. It’s usually just a way to vent.
But I’ve never been in a locker room where someone openly talked about assaulting women, like how the former president did on that infamous bus. Not even once. The men I know don’t speak that way because they don’t live that way. They aren’t predators or cheaters.
While it’s impossible to deny that some men think and behave like that—some of whom might even vote for such a person—most of us do not. We wouldn’t even pretend to. And let’s be honest, sexual assault and infidelity aren’t really fun topics, whether or not you have women in your family. Respect for women doesn’t require blood ties. Empathy doesn’t require proximity to someone from a different background, either.
You’d hope that someone running for president—a father to both sons and daughters—would have matured beyond that mindset. Apparently, that’s a wishful thought.
At this point, it’s clear that if the only thing Donald Trump and his buddy Dave were doing was engaging in what they called “locker room talk,” it would still be disgusting but not nearly as alarming. Because Trump wasn’t just objectifying women; he was outlining his methods for assaulting them. And Dave was laughing like it was a comedy show.
If I ever heard someone boast about forcibly grabbing a woman, I wouldn’t laugh; I would leave. And I certainly wouldn’t think about voting for that person.
Let’s recap what was said: Trump claimed, “You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”
That’s not locker room talk. That’s criminal talk. Real locker room talk might involve joking about a crush on a cheerleader or sharing stories about dating models, not discussing how to assault women.
Donald Trump dismisses his comments as “locker room talk” because, to him, the whole world has always been his personal locker room. Thankfully, he’s slowly being dragged out of it, one hot mic moment at a time.
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In summary, locker room conversations should never devolve into discussions that normalize or trivialize sexual assault. True respect for women is essential for any man, especially those in positions of power.