Today, I completely lost my cool with my 4-year-old daughter—my adorable little sunshine who showers me with hugs and declares his love for me, who won’t let me squash a bug, and who spends her afternoons coloring pictures of me with bright markers. She had been home sick for two days with a nasty cold and woke up at 5 a.m. because she was too congested to breathe. By noon, I knew she desperately needed a nap, and I was praying she’d give me a moment of peace to catch up on work.
With my partner working late all week, I hadn’t slept well in days, and the pressure was building. I was irritable, she was irritable, and I needed her to sleep.
Of course, she fought me tooth and nail, her protests accompanied by a waterfall of snot. I tried everything—shushing her, telling stories, and rocking her like a baby—but nothing worked.
Then it happened. I snapped. I yelled, I cursed, and I placed her down on the bed a bit too forcefully, a surge of anger pulsating through me.
I rarely lose my temper. Sure, I get frustrated and raise my voice occasionally, but I usually manage to keep it together. I know that parents aren’t perfect, and I’ve seen firsthand the damage that can come from losing control. I promised myself I wouldn’t be that kind of parent—one I witnessed growing up, the one who makes your stomach churn.
But here I was.
My daughter burst into tears, shaking. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, burying her head into my shoulder. In that moment, I was struck by how quickly she still trusted me with her feelings. Yet, that only deepened my guilt. I was grappling with the residual anger and the overwhelming shame of having lashed out at my child.
I apologized profusely, and she accepted my words before drifting off to sleep against me. With her little body finally relaxed in my arms, I let out a deep breath. The anger evaporated, leaving behind a heavy sadness and shame. I cried into her hair, repeating, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m really, really sorry.”
Even hours later, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done something unforgivable, despite my attempts to rationalize it.
Why Do We Do This to Ourselves as Parents?
Sure, there are parents out there who genuinely deserve the guilt and shame for their actions. Emotional or physical abuse is never acceptable, and we must strive for a nurturing environment. Practicing mindfulness and self-care is crucial to keep frustration from spilling over onto our kids.
However, I believe many of us are too hard on ourselves. Gentle parenting doesn’t mean perfection. We all have our moments where we mess up, and that’s just part of the parenting journey.
The Silver Lining
Here’s the silver lining: If you’re even contemplating these issues—if you’re striving to treat your kids kindly and recognizing their big, vulnerable feelings—you’re already ahead of the game. It’s not just about one bad day; it’s about the foundation of trust you build over time.
Trust is tough to break, and kids often forgive us with a grace that leaves us in awe. You’ll be amazed at how resilient their hearts are.
So, if you find yourself losing your temper (and trust me, it will happen), take a breath, apologize, embrace their forgiveness, and move forward. You have far more important things to focus on than dwelling in guilt. After all, you’re raising some truly amazing souls.
Additional Resources
For more on navigating parenting challenges, check out this insightful post on intracervicalinsemination.com/blog. If you’re looking for resources on home insemination, Make a Mom has everything you need to start your family. Additionally, this article on the IVF process is an excellent resource for those navigating pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Losing our tempers as parents is a common experience, and it’s essential to forgive ourselves when it happens. Rather than dwelling in guilt, we should focus on the overall trust we build with our children. Our capacity for self-reflection and making amends can pave the way for a loving and nurturing environment, where our kids can thrive.