Updated: April 6, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 9, 2016
When my partner and I decided to renovate our home, we thought we were ready to tackle anything. After 15 years of marriage and numerous DIY projects, we felt pretty confident. Sure, we don’t talk about the infamous “Crown Molding Disaster of 2006,” but who does? We’re practically HGTV devotees, and it’s hard not to narrate our shopping sprees as if we’re on a show. We wield spackles and paintbrushes like pros, and we even know how to use a laser level—thank you very much, Bob Vila.
But when it came time for a home addition, we realized we needed to hand the reins over to the experts. Mainly, we wanted to stay happily married by the end of it all.
As we shared our plans with friends who’d experienced their own renovations, their skeptical looks were hard to miss. They’d nod politely as we excitedly declared how “it’ll only take six weeks!” and “the contractor is way under budget!” Just before we broke ground, one friend who had survived a complete gut job of her house looked me in the eye and said, “Good luck. Godspeed. Call me when you’re ready to leave your husband.” I laughed nervously—how bad could it really be?
Oh, it was worse. Much worse. That “six-week” project ended up dragging on for ten grueling months, not counting the four months of planning and two months of permitting chaos. After sixteen months of dust and frustration, I’ve gathered some wisdom about surviving a renovation without killing each other—trust me, you’ll want to remember these tips.
1. Examine Your Budget—Then Multiply It by a Million.
Renovations can drain your wallet faster than you can say “home improvement.” Even the savviest shoppers will find surprise costs lurking around every corner. Your partner will be tempted by the gleaming six-burner stove, while you might fall head over heels for a chandelier that belongs in a palace. Set a budget and stick to it, or you’ll end up in a heated debate over that luxurious hand-scraped hardwood floor.
2. Reality Check: Chip and Joanna Aren’t That Happy.
The biggest surprise? The sheer number of arguments over inconsequential details. Who knew we’d have such strong opinions about light fixtures, paint colors, and gutter shades? Before you start your project, sit down for a frank discussion about your visions and styles. This will save you from having a screaming match over roofing shingles in front of your neighbors.
3. Let It Go—No One Wins at Drywall.
There’s something about having construction in your yard that makes you want to “win” the design debates. If your partner suggests beige, you counter with eggshell. But honestly, in the end, does it really matter? The finished product will look great no matter what. If your partner has a design preference, let it go—after all, you can always blame them for that questionable wallpaper later.
4. The Stay-at-Home Partner Always Wins the “Who Had a Worse Day?” Contest.
My husband works outside the home, while I have the privilege of working remotely. But that privilege quickly turned into chaos during our renovation. The constant noise, interruptions, and foul language from the job site wore me down. If you’re the one leaving the madness, consider yourself lucky and bring home flowers for your stay-at-home partner. They deserve it after enduring all that craziness.
5. A Happy Ending is Possible—Just Like in “The Money Pit.”
Remember that iconic movie where Tom Hanks and Shelley Long almost divorce over their home renovation? The reality isn’t far off, but not for the reasons you might think. Eventually, the dust settles, the workers leave, and you’ll no longer have a Porta-Potty in your yard. You’ll stand together, marveling at what you created, and realize that despite the arguments over colors and fixtures, you still love each other.
Renovation is a wild ride that can stretch even the strongest relationships, but it’s not a permanent state of chaos. Focus on moving forward and enjoying your new space—unless, of course, they picked the ugly wallpaper. That’s a debate you can have forever.
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Summary:
Navigating a home renovation can be a test of patience and partnership. With careful budgeting, open communication about design choices, and a willingness to compromise, couples can emerge from the chaos stronger than ever. Just remember, it’s all about enjoying the final product together—unless your partner insists on that horrid wallpaper!