Whenever I come across an article about kids and food—especially those addressing picky eating—I inevitably see countless comments like, “In our home, kids eat what’s served, or they simply don’t eat.” This is the classic “eat it or starve” philosophy, often touted as a remedy for picky eaters or a preventative measure to ensure kids don’t turn into them. As the mother of a picky eater, I’ve been on the receiving end of this advice more times than I can count, typically from well-meaning folks eager to share their superior feeding strategies.
In theory, I understand the logic. I agree that I shouldn’t have to whip up separate meals for my picky child—it’s stressful and frankly, quite frustrating. I dream of a dinner table where everyone eats the same dish without any fuss.
However, for a true picky eater, this method simply doesn’t work. To put it bluntly, it’s downright ludicrous, and any parent of a picky eater can attest to that.
Understanding Picky Eaters
First, let’s clarify what a real picky eater is. They aren’t just your garden-variety toddlers who suddenly decide that anything not resembling bread or cereal is off-limits. No, picky eaters have been selective since they first tasted solid foods, and some were even fussy nursers or bottle feeders.
These kids can be physically repulsed by certain foods and have very specific preferences about what can or cannot touch their lips. Many also have sensory sensitivities, making them particular about food textures, just like they may be about the fabric of their clothes. A picky eater has a limited food repertoire and generally sticks to that list until they grow older. For instance, my picky eater loved pizza, but only from our local pizzeria. If someone offered him a slice from anywhere else, he’d take one bite and insist it was entirely different—not just a variation, but a completely separate food experience.
The Nature of Picky Eating
Picky eaters are born that way. I have two sons: one is classically picky, while the other has occasional pickiness. I didn’t feed them differently. I breastfed both, introduced fruits and vegetables when they were ready, and avoided processed foods as much as I could. When I first offered solid foods to my picky son, he reacted as if I had served him something rotten (it was just a banana). Meanwhile, my other son inhaled the avocado I gave him in a flash and asked for more.
I’ve tried every trick in the book with my picky eater. We encouraged him to sample new foods, adhering to the guidance that it takes at least 15 tries for a child to develop a taste for something. However, my son typically knew right away if he liked it, and no amount of coercion could change his mind after that first taste.
We’ve even attempted the “eat it or starve” tactic, and he often opted to skip meals until we finally gave in (I could never let a hungry child go to bed). With my non-picky eater, I can say, “Spaghetti and meatballs are what’s for dinner. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.” He’ll usually sigh, then dig in. But actual picky eaters? They are relentless about their food boundaries.
A Call for Understanding
If you haven’t experienced life with a picky eater day in and day out—3 to 5 meals a day—please, for the love of all that is good, keep your advice to yourself. We don’t need any more unsolicited tips.
Don’t judge us parents with picky eaters or assume we’re soft on them. Don’t think we’re the reason our kids are picky. They came into this world with their unique tastes. From what I’ve read, many do outgrow some of their pickiness, but it may not happen until they’re older. Some might stay a bit picky for life (and let’s be real, we all know grown-ups like that).
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept my son’s pickiness. Yes, I sometimes make him his own meals when I know he won’t eat what I’ve cooked. I try not to shame him for his preferences because I understand he can’t always control it. He does his best.
And things have improved! At 9 ½, my son is becoming less picky and more open to trying new foods. He now enjoys pizza from a few different places, including my own homemade version! He’s still selective, but it’s progress, and I’m proud of him.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, navigating the world of picky eating is a unique challenge that requires understanding and patience. It’s not about being a pushover or spoiling kids; it’s about recognizing that some children are just wired differently when it comes to food. As parents, we need to find our own paths while supporting our children’s individual preferences.