Here are five feelings I never anticipated experiencing as a mom:
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The Overwhelming Fear
I can still picture strapping our newborn, Lily, into the car seat for the ride home. The sky was a dazzling blue, the trees lush and green, but all I could focus on was the exhaust from the car next to us, creeping dangerously close to my baby’s delicate lungs. The weight of keeping this tiny, defenseless human alive is a monumental responsibility. In a world that often feels dark and daunting, especially post-9/11, every news story about a sick child hits home like a ton of bricks. It’s not just a headline; it’s a gut punch. Suddenly, the fears multiply—what if she doesn’t make friends? What if I’m too strict or too lenient? The constant questioning of my parenting choices was something I never saw coming.
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The Unending Physical Exhaustion
Sure, pregnancy and childbirth are physically taxing. I was somewhat prepared for that. What I didn’t realize was the relentless physical toll of motherhood. Three weeks into Lily’s life, I sat there, bleary-eyed with my lukewarm coffee, and thought, “Sleeping in is a thing of the past.” Even now, with six kids, the idea of a late sleep-in feels like a fantasy. It’s not just the lack of sleep; it’s the constant hustle—lifting, carrying, cleaning up spills, and chasing after toddlers like they’re Olympic sprinters. My muscles ache, and all I can think is, if only I had time for yoga…
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The Feeling of Self-Defeat
I’ve always prided myself on tackling challenges and getting things done. But parenting? That workload is never-ending. From messy rooms to sibling squabbles and the relentless cycle of housework, it can be overwhelming. Some days, it feels like I’m drowning under the weight of it all. I never expected to feel so defeated at times, and yet on those tough days, all I can do is hope tomorrow brings a fresh start.
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Primal Love
I knew I’d love my kids, but the depth of that love took me by surprise. It’s different from the love I feel for my partner—it’s more intense. I cherish those quiet late-night nursing sessions and the joy of witnessing my children’s first steps. At every stage, there are moments when I simply gaze at them in awe, filled with a love so profound that I’d sacrifice anything for their happiness. It’s that instinctual need to prioritize their needs above my own—pretty much all the time.
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The Compulsion to Do It All Again
When my husband and I first started our family, we never set a number on how many kids we wanted. If someone had told my 27-year-old self that I’d end up with six kids, I would’ve curled up in a ball and cried. But as I nurture and guide my children, I realize they’ve pushed me to grow in ways I never expected. I’m stronger, more patient, and constantly challenged to confront my flaws. I never thought I’d welcome this journey, but here I am.
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In summary, motherhood is a wild ride filled with unexpected emotions—from crippling fear and fatigue to an all-consuming love and an urge to embrace the chaos again. Each day brings new challenges, and while I sometimes feel overwhelmed, I also find immense joy and growth in the process.