When it comes to sex education, opinions often seem to split into two radically different camps. On one side, you have the abstinence-only advocates who believe that teaching young people about birth control will only encourage them to engage in sexual activity. On the other side, there are those who assert that teens will have sex regardless and thus see no value in discouragement, opting instead to distribute condoms and lubrication like they’re party favors.
Both of these extremes fail to truly serve our children. As someone who homeschools, my husband and I are responsible for guiding our kids through the maze of sexual education. Our stance is clear: we believe in providing them with comprehensive information. We don’t shy away from discussions about sex; instead, we tackle the topic head-on, making sure our kids are well-informed as they approach the age when they’ll start facing these questions themselves.
I personally advocate for abstinence for various reasons, yet I find it perplexing that some would choose to withhold essential knowledge about sex, pregnancy, and disease prevention from teens. For me, teaching the full spectrum of sexual health is simply common sense. These are the fundamental truths about sex, no matter your personal beliefs.
Additionally, I struggle to understand the use of shame as a tool to discourage teens from having sex. While I recognize that some may resort to it, I don’t agree with that approach. We hope our kids will choose to wait for sex, based on both health and faith perspectives, but I refuse to instill feelings of shame regarding their natural sexuality. It’s entirely possible to promote patience without sending the message that sex is something to be feared or that virginity is the ultimate goal.
Sex is a powerful and exhilarating experience, which is precisely why we encourage our children to wait. We want them to have fulfilling and healthy sexual lives, just not before the time is right. Yet, we also need to be realistic. Just because some people assume that all teens are sexually active doesn’t make it true. I didn’t have sex in high school, nor did my husband or most of my close friends. In fact, according to the CDC, only 41% of high schoolers surveyed in 2015 reported having sexual intercourse. That’s significant but still less than half. The average age for first sexual experiences is around 17, indicating that many teens wait longer.
We will be upfront with our kids about the fact that while protection can reduce the risks of pregnancy and STDs, no method is 100% effective. Every time someone has sex, the risk of unintended pregnancy or infection exists. I didn’t grasp how often birth control fails until I was an adult. Life can throw surprises; two of our children weren’t planned, and I know families who have experienced similar surprises, even after taking precautions. Sex can be thrilling, but it carries risks — always.
At some point, they will need to weigh those risks themselves. I’ll explain that if they choose to deviate from our beliefs about waiting for marriage, they should first be prepared for the possibility of pregnancy and the life-altering choices that accompany it. They should also ensure they know their partner well enough to have open conversations about sexual history and trust them to be honest.
We’ll also delve into the emotional dimensions of sexual relationships, emphasizing that the emotional risks involved are also significant. Reducing sex to a casual act dismisses the profound emotional intimacy it can foster. That’s why we’ll encourage them to wait for a loving, committed relationship.
We will clarify that while our faith teaches that sex belongs within marriage, we will not impose shame if they choose a different path. We won’t use degrading metaphors to describe losing virginity; we acknowledge the challenges of navigating these waters and respect their autonomy in making choices that align with their values as they mature.
Our goal is to teach them to take responsibility for their sexual decisions, ensuring they are well-informed and prepared for the complexities involved. We will cover everything from how pregnancy and contraception work to understanding consent and managing peer pressure.
Above all, we’ll emphasize that until they are genuinely ready for the responsibilities that come with sex, they should wait. Even aside from moral beliefs, abstinence is the most logical and healthiest choice for teens. You can guide your children without relying on shame to make your point.
If you’re interested in learning more about navigating these conversations, check out this post for more insights on parenting and sex education. And for those looking into fertility-related resources, make sure to visit this trusted authority on the subject. For additional information on insemination techniques, this link to Cleveland Clinic provides excellent resources.
Summary
Advocating for abstinence can be done without shaming kids about their sexuality. By providing comprehensive sexual education, parents can empower their children to make informed decisions. This approach respects their autonomy, encourages emotional understanding, and promotes responsibility in sexual choices.