Growing up, my childhood was dominated by the mantra “children should be seen and not heard.” Arguments were off-limits, talking back was a big no-no, and Sundays were reserved for church. My wardrobe had strict rules, too; jeans were only acceptable if they were fresh off the rack. At just ten, I was labeled a conservative Republican, a term I didn’t understand, yet I nodded along obediently with my sisters. Deep down, I promised myself, “I won’t raise my kids like this! No strict parenting for me!”
Then came junior high, and my parents’ divorce ushered in a wave of relaxation at home. It felt liberating, like finally being able to take a deep breath. As the loudest member of my family, I often felt like a wild card. I even fantasized about standing up in church and making a scene just to shake things up. But when I became a parent, I found myself slipping into the very rigidity I had vowed to avoid. It was like I was subconsciously channeling my childhood experiences.
Don’t get me wrong; I wanted my kids to have the freedom to think for themselves and be true to who they are. However, I often found myself uptight in public, overly concerned about their diets, and sometimes even overparenting. I gravitated towards being strict and overprotective, despite how suffocating that felt as a kid.
Nobody wants to raise a brat or be the parent of the kid who embarrasses everyone. I also didn’t want my children to miss out on being themselves. I realized I was creating rules that I couldn’t even enforce. Like that time I threatened my son with no cake at a birthday party for misbehaving—totally unfair to the amazing mom who hosted the event.
Finding the right balance in parenting is a constant challenge. It’s tough to break free from the patterns of your own upbringing while still wanting to incorporate some of those values. This summer, I started saying “yes” more often. I let go of some of my anxieties over trivial matters, like allowing my kids to have soda or not obsessing over perfectly tidy rooms. I had a wake-up call when my son pointed out how I always pushed for perfection. That hit home.
I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that perfection is the goal. Life is about making mistakes, learning, and growing. I was putting too much pressure on them and myself. I realized that if my kids want to sleep in their clothes, who cares? Why was I so worried about vacuuming under the couch or whether their fingernails were clean? Ten-year-old boys are supposed to be a little dirty from exploring the world.
So, I’ve taken a step back. My kids don’t need me hovering over them all the time. This doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent or that they’ll turn into little monsters. They need their own voices, not just mine. They’re unique individuals, not mini robots. And if they accidentally burp in public? No punishment—just a polite “excuse me” will do.
Times have changed since my childhood, and the idea that children should be seen and not heard is outdated. I understand now that my parents were shaped by their upbringing, which explains their strictness. Still, I’ve experienced the consequences of being too harsh, and I don’t want my kids to feel trapped like I did. Sure, we’ll have our serious moments, but they shouldn’t define our parenting style.
I want my children to speak their minds and differentiate between respectful opinion-sharing and outright disrespect. I don’t want them to think they have to say “yes” to an adult just because of age. Sometimes, adults make poor choices, and I want my kids to trust their instincts and say no when necessary.
I can raise respectful, responsible adults without being overly strict. Lately, I’ve adopted a more relaxed approach, focusing on nurturing good values without being uptight. And honestly, it’s made all of us happier—especially me.
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Summary
In this reflection, I share how my strict upbringing influenced my parenting style. Initially, I leaned towards being an uptight parent, mirroring the rigidity of my childhood. However, after realizing the importance of allowing my kids to express themselves and learn through mistakes, I began to embrace a more relaxed approach. This shift has fostered a happier family dynamic, allowing my kids to grow into their own unique selves.