I spot him beside his 3-year-old brother, who is currently in the throes of a meltdown over the bagel I handed him. I was supposed to slice it into quarters, not halves (how could I slip up like that?). As I attempt to soothe the little one, encouraging him to take a breath and express himself — explaining that if he could stop wailing, we could sort out the bagel issue — my older son stands by, calm as can be, casting a half-smile towards the floor.
Just a few months ago, he would have joined the chaos, covering his ears and shouting “stooooop!” Or, in a particularly grouchy moment, he might have snapped, “shut up!” which would have only fueled the fire, leading me to deal with two children in need of discipline.
Instead, he remains unflustered, and when I start to explain to his younger brother that we can indeed cut the bagel into fourths if he calms down, my older son chimes in, “Yeah, Mommy can fix it,” with a maturity that brings tears to my eyes.
It feels like just yesterday when he was the one kicking and screaming over how I’d sliced his toast or getting upset about the color of his sippy cup. His tantrums were volcanic, leaving little blotches under his eyes and on his cheeks. He would kick, argue, and rationalize his way through every grievance, often crafting elaborate arguments that were almost convincing. My strong-willed son; my spirited child. The one who never accepted “no” for an answer.
Traditional discipline methods were ineffective; distractions didn’t work because he was too fixated on his initial frustration. Moving him to another room for a “time out” only escalated his distress. At times, his screams were so loud I feared the neighbors might call the authorities.
I tried reading every parenting book I could find and sought advice from various sources. Ultimately, I followed my instincts. I sat with him, maintained my calm, and waited it out. Eventually, he would collapse into my lap, sobbing, and we could finally talk. Over the years, we grew better at managing those meltdowns. It was a journey of trial and error, during which it often felt like we were lost, but we learned what he needed during those intense moments.
Now, he’s 9 ½, caught in that awkward in-between stage of boyhood and adolescence. He’s sprouted up this past year; his face is filling out, and he seems more robust. His stubborn nature remains, but he’s learned to temper it. He can now take that extra breath I’ve been suggesting for years, the one that keeps him from losing control when things go awry.
I want him to know I recognize how much he has matured, both inside and out. I see the amazing person he’s becoming, choosing the path of wisdom. He understands that acting mature is genuinely powerful and cool, and he fully embraces it, as he has with everything else throughout his life.
People often told me that raising a strong-willed child was a blessing, claiming he’d grow to be a leader, a confident individual, a visionary. He was undoubtedly bright — wise beyond his years and a deep thinker. Yet, I couldn’t quite fathom that the struggles we faced would eventually yield something remarkable.
But I held onto that belief. During the toughest times, it was the only thing I clung to.
Oh my goodness, I think we’re nearly there. I believe we’ve made it, he and I. But I attribute his growth to him. It wasn’t his fault that his emotions ran so deep; that was simply who he was. He felt everything intensely, possessing dazzling, intricate thoughts about the world around him — from how justice should operate to our plans for the day.
He was confined in a small body, and all those emotions were overwhelming for him.
Dear son, I apologize for the moments when I lost my patience with you, and for the times I still do. I also want to apologize in advance for how I might lose my temper during your teenage years. Those times will arrive sooner than we anticipate, and I’m sure we’ll find ourselves in a different mess altogether.
But I have faith we’ll navigate it. We’ve built a foundation of trust through the blood, sweat, and tears of these years — a trust that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Above all, I want you to know that whatever challenges lie ahead, I see you here and now. I am incredibly proud of the child you are becoming and the man you will eventually be. I see that man in your eyes, in the way you smile knowingly at me while your brother throws his tantrum, resting a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder and telling him it will be alright.
The truth is, I have loved you through every stage you’ve experienced. Even during those marathon days, I would sometimes gaze at you, amazed by the fire in your heart. With age, you’ve only become more radiant; that fire has transformed into pure light, illuminating the path for a vibrant life ahead.
Thank you for instilling hope in me, for demonstrating that all I needed to do was my best, follow my instincts, and love you unconditionally. And I do; I love you so fiercely.
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Summary
The piece reflects on the author’s journey with her strong-willed son, highlighting his growth and maturity over the years. From his intense meltdowns to becoming a supportive older brother, the author acknowledges the challenges and joys of parenting a headstrong child. Through patience and understanding, they have forged a bond that will help them navigate future challenges together.