Alright, let’s dive into the topic of intimacy. If you’re anything like me, and you grew up jamming to Salt-N-Pepa, you probably read that line and couldn’t help but add a “Ba-by…” (And let’s be real, if you’re really like me, you’re probably ready to launch into the full rap right now.) But no matter your musical roots in the early ’90s, reading or hearing “let’s talk about sex” likely brings on a little anxiety. So, let’s do this. (Ugh. Do we have to?) Yes, we absolutely must.
I vividly remember a car ride with my mom and younger sibling when that iconic Salt-N-Pepa track blared through the radio. It was the mid-1990s, and I was just starting to navigate the wild waters of puberty. My mom decided to seize the moment and casually asked, “Do you know what they’re talking about?” I panicked. “No!” I shouted, lunging for the radio dial. Too late for that.
My mom is genuinely a smart and caring person, and her approach mirrored that of many well-meaning parents. Throughout my childhood, she tried to shield me from media she thought was inappropriate for my age. This usually meant I was banned from shows or movies that could spark questions about intimacy. I hit puberty early—it was a tough time, to say the least—but my mom adapted. She taught me about using sanitary products, read books that had diagrams of anatomy, and told me boys might start to notice me, encouraging me to come to her with any questions.
But by then, I had already absorbed the cultural messages: sex was bad and shameful. I felt a deep-seated unease about it, especially as a girl. It was fine to giggle about kissing boys, but no one could ever know about my secret pillow-rubbing habits or my fantasies about being touched. When rumors flew around my school, labeling me the “slut” after my first boyfriend spread gossip, shame washed over me. I barely understood the mechanics of sex, but I knew that being a “slut” meant I was worthless.
By the time I emerged from puberty, I carried these misconceptions, just like many of you likely did. And we weren’t preteen girls in 2016. Back then, my mom faced a daunting task trying to protect me from inappropriate content. (My sister and I eventually figured out how to unlock the TV for “Singled Out” after school.) Today, however, it’s downright impossible. Resources like Common Sense Media help parents make informed choices about what their kids see, but the reality is that kids encounter far more than what we deem appropriate.
We might choose not to educate them about intimacy, but kids are inherently curious and will find out—likely through misinformation from peers, Hollywood myths, and yes, those seductive social media posts. They might even come across or seek out various online adult content. (Can you imagine going through puberty with every tantalizing image just a click away? The internet has truly changed the game.)
Even the least curious kids will see fast-food commercials with clear, albeit unrealistic, messages about femininity. They’ll encounter pop-up ads for clothing brands featuring models in risqué poses, and while we can’t shield them from this media, we can prepare them by discussing intimacy openly and comfortably from the start.
One way to normalize these discussions is by having frequent, low-pressure, age-appropriate chats and honestly answering their questions without shame. This way, they’ll enter the world equipped with accurate information and a healthy attitude toward intimacy, allowing them to critically assess messages from both media and peers. As Ava Miller puts it, we’re not doing kids any favors by lying about intimacy; instead, we guide them in a positive direction by “sharing the truth and letting it resonate so they can make informed choices.”
Think about it: a lot of the angst of adolescence stems from the embarrassment and confusion surrounding sexual matters. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to pass down that same baggage.
I’ve learned a lot from parents who successfully embrace open conversations about intimacy. It takes a commitment to push past the discomfort that arises when kids bluntly ask about sex. Instead of panicking, view it as an opportunity to model how to discuss intimacy as a natural, vital, and enjoyable part of many adult lives. If a sex scene pops up in a family movie, seize the moment to spark a conversation later. We don’t have to bring up the topic out of nowhere; we can use the media our kids engage with to facilitate these discussions. Topics around intimacy—like consent, body autonomy, and rumors—will inevitably arise.
When these moments occur, we have two choices: perpetuate the awkward cycle we experienced, or break it.
Let’s choose to break the cycle. Let’s not raise another generation riddled with fear about something fundamental to the human experience. Let’s have those candid conversations about intimacy.
If you’re looking for more insights on this journey, check out this resource for effective tips on home insemination, or visit this blog for excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination. Also, don’t forget to explore another article that dives deeper into the subject!
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of open discussions about intimacy between parents and children to prepare kids for the realities of growing up. It highlights how traditional approaches to sex education often lead to shame and misinformation, advocating for honest, age-appropriate conversations. By addressing these topics openly, we can equip the next generation with a healthier understanding of intimacy.