Parenting
By Jamie Carter
From the moment I met my son, Leo, it was clear he was a curious little fellow. As a baby, he seemed far more intrigued by the sounds of stories than by the idea of crawling or walking. Fast forward to toddlerhood, and his favorite pastime became showcasing his mastery of letters and numbers found on flashcards. Now at 3, headed for preschool, he can distinguish between the Cretaceous and Jurassic periods, knows the dining habits of great white sharks, and passionately debates his favorite species of octopus. Oh, and he’s also on a pant-free streak about 75% of the time—because, well, he’s 3.
I can’t help but think he’s a genius—after all, every parent thinks their child is unique in some way, right? Others have chimed in, labeling him as “advanced,” which makes me a tad… uneasy. Honestly, just writing that makes me squirm. Here’s the honest truth: Maybe he is brilliant; maybe he isn’t. But in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.
That’s right, take a deep breath. I just said that whether my child is “gifted” or particularly “smart” is of no consequence. And it doesn’t matter for your kids either.
Many of you might recall those days in school when kids were separated into the “gifted and talented” group, those special ones who were deemed so intellectually advanced that they’d be bored with the usual curriculum. They were the future achievers, while the rest of us were labeled as average. Spoiler alert: It really didn’t make a difference. Now that we’re adults, if you think about it, you probably wouldn’t remember who was in that gifted crowd. A quick Facebook stalk might reveal that the so-called “gifted” individuals are living lives not so different from everyone else. Maybe one is working to cure malaria, while another is still trying to beat his high score on video games. The labels we placed in elementary school don’t predict long-term success, despite the anxiety and attention we gave them.
In fact, research has shown that “gifted” students don’t always outperform their peers in regular programs. Those in gifted programs often score similarly to their classmates who didn’t qualify. Despite all the funding and effort put into distinguishing these students, the results haven’t been groundbreaking.
So if I do consider my child to be “gifted,” what’s next? When he hits high school, will he still need to study for tests to snag an “A”? Will he still have to tackle reading Beowulf? If he doesn’t get into an Ivy League school, should I pen a furious letter to the admissions office about how he knew the difference between a mammoth and a mastodon before he could walk?
Then there’s my daughter, Mia, who just turned 1. She can’t recite the alphabet yet, but her hobbies include sampling dog food and attempting to climb into the toilet. Perhaps she’s gifted. Perhaps she’s not. She’s just 1!
It feels unfair to treat one child differently than the other based on perceived notions of intelligence or “giftedness.” We want to ensure both of them receive the same opportunities and encouragement. If one aspires to attend a prestigious university, we’ll rally behind that dream. If the other dreams of twirling signs for a furniture store, we’ll support them in being the best sign-spinner around.
The National Association for Gifted Children promotes tailored learning experiences based on individual abilities and learning styles. But isn’t that essential for every child? Whether a child faces developmental delays or feels stifled in class, teachers and parents can collaborate to ensure they thrive in their educational journey. Every child has the potential for success when given the opportunity.
I firmly believe that hard work outweighs innate intelligence, and that’s what we’ll emphasize with our kids. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” I’ll opt for, “You put in a lot of effort on that.” After all, isn’t intelligence largely a matter of luck? So why should it warrant more praise than something they earned through hard work?
I often hear parents subtly bragging about their toddlers’ accomplishments, while others fret over their kids possibly lagging behind. With all the love in my heart, I say to both groups: It really doesn’t matter. Your concern stems from your care, and that makes you an incredible parent. I have no doubt that your dedication will provide your children with every chance to shine.
Ultimately, every child has their own unique gifts and talents, which is why we all perceive our children as extraordinary. They are! Every child possesses their own form of brilliance. So let’s stop categorizing kids as “gifted” and start celebrating the unique abilities each child brings to the table.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenting and child development, check out our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination. And remember, for those looking into the journey of parenthood, Make a Mom provides valuable resources on home insemination, while the NHS offers excellent guidance on pregnancy and fertility.
In summary, whether a child is labeled as “gifted” or not isn’t the point. What truly matters is nurturing their individuality and hard work, ensuring they have the opportunities to thrive, regardless of any labels we might impose.