Just the other day, I decided to take my little ones to the local YMCA. Dressed in my favorite jeans and a comfy tank top, I wasn’t there to break a sweat; I just craved a moment of peace. After dropping my boys off in the kids’ zone, I indulged in a blissful hour of screen time on my laptop. No one tugged at my arm, demanded snacks, or had an unexpected diaper blowout. It was pure heaven.
That brief escape rejuvenated me. When I picked them up, I was all hugs and kisses, ready for our pool plans. As we changed into our bathing suits, I finally tuned into every word of my 4-year-old’s animated story about the sandbox—an impressive feat, given his non-stop chatter. I wanted to soak in every detail, right down to the sand still clinging to his arms. As I dressed them, I savored their tiny hands on my shoulders and listened to their laughter. My time away made me more present with them.
As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I’m usually surrounded by my kids, yet I often question whether I’m truly spending enough quality time with them. Sure, I enjoy watching my 4-year-old show off his scooter tricks and pretending to be a puppy with my 1-year-old. But the moments I treasure most are the ones I carve out for myself. More often than not, I find myself half-listening to my preschooler while juggling text messages or scrolling through social media. I’m washing dishes with one hand, chatting with my sister on the phone, all while my kids chant, “Mama, Mama, Mama!”
Many women choose the SAHM path to be more present with their kids, yet I sometimes wonder if that’s the case. Yes, we have plenty of time together, but is it quality time? I’m a project-oriented person with a strong desire for achievement. I love to read, write, and converse, and when I feel cramped for time, I can become a bit on edge. I occasionally get absorbed in a task while the kids are around, which leads to frustration over interruptions or guilt for wanting my own space. It’s a nagging thought that creeps into my mind, especially when I’m trying to ignore my 19-month-old tugging at me to check out the “mysterious bug” he found.
I adore playing with my kids. I lift them high in the air and pretend to fly them all over the world. We build incredible block towers and then gleefully knock them down. We race through the house and break into spontaneous dance parties. Right now, my throat is a little hoarse from singing “Five Little Ducks” with gusto. But let’s be real—how long can an adult stay fully engaged in a child’s make-believe world? The minutes spent on the floor with trains are finite, whether you’re a SAHM or not.
The kids’ ability to self-entertain is as limited as my patience for rounds of hide-and-seek, so sometimes we just need to get out of the house. We don’t always have a destination in mind—just an escape from the chaos of my 1-year-old emptying kitchen cabinets and my 4-year-old exploring the bathroom drawers, asking me about the objects he finds. Sometimes, it’s simply easier to buckle them into their car seats, leave the household chores behind, and hope to stumble into some adult conversation.
Yet, venturing out isn’t as simple as it seems. They beg for candy at checkout and climb the cart like it’s an amusement park ride. They dive into snack packs of Nutella with sticky fingers that smudge my new shirt. I finally get them to the car only to realize one is missing a shoe—probably back in the produce aisle—but I’m too exhausted to retrieve it. By that point, both they and I are coming undone, making me question if a little time apart wouldn’t be a good thing.
I often think about working moms who miss their kids while they’re at work. Do they cherish their moments together more? Do they ever see time spent with their kids as a chore? I doubt it. When my husband has weekend plans that don’t involve us, I often think, “Great, I’m on my own with the kids again.” But if I had more time away, I might view it as an opportunity for bonding and fun.
As a former teacher, I’ve considered homeschooling my 4-year-old, but I’m enrolling him in pre-K soon—not because I think he needs socialization or because I believe the public school system is superior, but because I think a little separation could benefit our relationship.
Ultimately, how much time we spend with our children is less crucial than how we spend that time. A mother who nurtures her own heart is better equipped to nurture others. This is why it doesn’t matter if a mom decides to leave her job completely, work from home, or take a solo trip to Starbucks—when she leads a balanced and fulfilling life, she becomes more attentive to her family. Personally, I don’t want to choose between being a full-time mom or working long hours. I think I’ll commit to heading to the gym in my jeans with my laptop in tow.
In summary, the question of whether stay-at-home moms spend more time with their kids is nuanced. While they may have more hours together, the quality of that time can often be compromised by the demands of daily life. Prioritizing self-care and balancing personal interests can enhance the moments shared with children, leading to more meaningful interactions.