The lights were dim. After a marathon day filled with crying children, I finally found a moment of silence. My temples pulsed as I sank to the dining room floor, knees pulled to my chest. I enveloped myself in my arms, rocking gently as tears cascaded down my cheeks. Both kids were finally asleep, and with my husband away for work, I was left alone with a thought that had consumed me since welcoming my second child:
“I’m failing.”
My sobs were uncontrollable.
“What’s wrong with me? Other women have managed to stay home with their children since the dawn of time. If they can do it, why can’t I? Why is this so incredibly hard?”
Days blurred together in a haze of my baby’s reflux-induced messes and explosive diapers. My toddler’s tantrums erupted every time I turned my back to clean up one of the many disasters. No matter how fast I moved, someone was always crying—a constant reminder of my perceived shortcomings as a parent.
On those rare occasions when both kids napped simultaneously, I found solace online, craving connection with the outside world. Scrolling through Facebook, I saw smiling families enjoying days at the park, zoo, library, and museum. Their pictures sparkled with joy; mine were all a blur.
Almost a year after my emotional breakdown on the dining room floor, my husband took the kids for the evening, granting me a chance to catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in ages. When one friend asked how I was doing, my automatic “I’m okay, and you?” faltered. I hesitated, finally admitting, “Honestly? Things aren’t good. Not good at all.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “What’s wrong?”
With a heavy heart, I confessed, “I don’t think I can do this anymore. Staying home with the kids all day feels like drowning.”
“Those days were tough for me too,” she said, her eyes filled with understanding. I was taken aback; this composed friend seemed like the last person who would have struggled. “When my kids were small, I cried all the time,” she admitted.
“Really? You?” I was shocked. “I can’t imagine that.”
“Oh, absolutely. But it gets easier as they grow.” She placed a comforting hand on my arm. “You will get through this.”
Her empathy washed over me like a balm, easing the tension I didn’t even realize I was holding. “I never knew you felt this way. Why didn’t I know?”
“I guess we just don’t talk about it,” she replied with a frown.
“Why not? We should!”
And so, we did. Over the next year, I reached out to other mothers, both in person and online, discovering that many of those “perfect” Facebook moms shared my feelings. I was not alone in my tears, frustration, or sadness.
Two years have elapsed since that conversation, and while I still have challenging moments when my kids test my limits, it has improved—immensely. Sometimes, all you need on those darker days is the reassurance that you’re not the only one facing the storm.
Recently, a friend welcomed her second child and admitted feeling overwhelmed. “I saw your pictures on Facebook. How do you do it?” I recognized that familiar awe in her voice, the same feeling I had when scrolling through social media.
I glanced at a rare, clear photo of my kids, one of the few from the countless blurry shots. “It’s completely normal to feel swamped with little ones, especially with a newborn and a toddler,” I reassured her. “I totally did.”
“Really? But you always seem so organized!”
“Trust me, I’m not,” I chuckled, my mind flashing back to my breakdown in the corner of the dining room. “Those days are tough, but you’re not alone. I found my way through it, and you will too.”
If you’re feeling lost in the shadows of motherhood, hear me when I say the struggle is real, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Connecting with friends, joining support groups, or seeking professional help can illuminate those dark days. I found my light, and so can you.
For more on this journey, check out one of our other posts here. If you’re looking for expert advice on at-home insemination, be sure to visit Make a Mom. And for a deeper understanding of pregnancy and infertility resources, the CDC is an excellent starting point here.
Summary:
Motherhood can feel overwhelming, especially when faced with challenges like sleepless nights and tantrums. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in these struggles. Sharing experiences with other mothers can provide comfort and guidance during dark days. The journey may be tough, but it does get better.