I’ve been fortunate with my younger child. He’s quite easygoing, super cuddly, and calms down quickly. His older brother, however, was a whirlwind from the moment he arrived, so my younger one’s demeanor has been a breath of fresh air. I practically dodged the dreaded terrible twos with this kid. Even when he hit three, it was manageable. A few minor meltdowns here and there, but nothing too extreme.
Fast forward to 3 ¾—something seems to have flipped a switch. Over the past few weeks, his threenager angst has been cranked up to a billion decibels. And oh boy, I just want to shake his screeching, indignant little self. He’s developed strong opinions about every tiny aspect of life, screams at the top of his lungs when things don’t go his way, and he’s relentless.
It’s not just about a few quirks; it’s a full-blown list of grievances. Here are some of the things he really needs to CTFD about. Sure, he’s only 3, but honestly, none of these should matter as much as they do to him.
- Candy
I get it; candy is the sweetest delight on the planet. It’s colorful and totally addictive. But starting the day with candy requests at 6 a.m. and continuing to beg for it every hour until I finally relent by giving him one tiny piece after dinner? I can’t handle the constant pleas. - His Private Parts
Ah, the joys of childhood curiosity! Once my son discovered his anatomy, it became a new favorite pastime. He was wearing underwear yesterday, and I naively hoped that would reduce the frequency of his antics. Nope! He just poked it through the hole in his underwear and bounced around, declaring, “But it’s just so beautiful, Mommy!” You can’t make this stuff up. - “Helping”
My son genuinely wants to lend a hand when it comes to cleaning, but bless his heart, that means spraying soap everywhere, turning the floor into a foam slip-n-slide. His “help” just leaves me with a bigger mess than I started with. Thanks, buddy! - How I Cut His Nuggets
The other day, I didn’t cut his chicken nuggets into pieces, and it caused a meltdown of epic proportions. The next day, I made sure to cut them up, and he threw an even bigger fit. I can’t win! - YouTube Toy Videos
First, it was those bizarre “Surprise Egg” videos, now he’s onto the big leagues, watching some overly peppy person open toy packages while blabbing about where to buy them. No thank you! - Every Single Thing His Brother Touches
If his big brother touches marbles, it’s an instant “Give me the marbles.” If his brother eats a cheese sandwich, suddenly it’s “I want that sandwich!” even though he doesn’t even like cheese. If big brother has it, he must have it—pronto. Or it’s a floor-screeching drama for the next 45 minutes. - The Bread and Cereal Food Group
My second son was supposed to be the adventurous eater, but recently he’s decided that only bread and cereal are acceptable. Tonight he requested pita chips for dinner, and when I told him that wasn’t enough, he said, “Mommy, pita chips can be dinner in your imagination.” Gotta admire the logic. - Cleaning Himself
This newly potty-trained kid is very particular about hygiene. After using the potty, he insists on three squares of toilet paper followed by a baby wipe. Why? Don’t ask. And when it’s time for poops, I feel like I’ll be wiping him until he goes to college. - Food “Touching”
On the rare occasions he’ll eat something besides pita chips or bagels, heaven forbid I place different foods on one plate. If they touch? It’s like the house is on fire! - Shopkins
At first, I thought, “What are these tiny, lost plastic things?” But they’ve started to grow on me. They’re cute and fun to collect, but if I hear him ask me what each one is called one more time or whine about losing another, I might lose my mind. - Wetness
Is my child the only one who can’t handle anything wet? I’m not even sure what he means half the time. I’ll give him toast, and he’ll say it’s “too wet.” Yogurt used to be a favorite, but now it’s “too wet” too. Yet he has no problem soaking himself when washing hands. When I mention he’s made the bathroom “too wet,” he looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. - Clothing
My son believes clothing is some conspiracy against his freedom. He’ll wear it outside or when guests come over, but once he’s home, it’s off in a flash. The other day, he realized he hadn’t removed his clothes and went into a panic, saying, “Oh no! I left my clothes on by accident!”
Despite all of this, I must say he’s one of the funniest threenagers I’ve ever encountered. I’m hoping this phase is just that—a phase. After all, asserting oneself is a crucial developmental milestone, even if it drives parents to the brink. I just wish it weren’t happening all at once and that it didn’t have to be so loud!
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Summary:
Navigating the world of a threenager can be a wild ride, filled with intense emotions and strong opinions. From the obsession with candy to the complexities of food touching, it’s clear that every little thing feels monumental to them. As challenging as these phases may be, they are a crucial part of development. With a blend of humor and patience, we can get through it together.