August 14, 2023
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We’ve all encountered her — that friend of a friend who just rubs you the wrong way. Perhaps she’s overly loud, steeped in personal drama, or just plain rude when there’s no one else around. Or maybe her parenting style makes you roll your eyes into your glass of wine when she strolls into a gathering.
If you’ve spent any time in the mommy social scene, you’ve likely met that one woman who makes you cringe. Worse yet, she might be tight with one of your close pals, which means you could be facing awkward smiles and forced chit-chat at every get-together. Sure, these are first-world problems, but it’s frustrating to think you might lose a friend over someone who makes you want to pull your hair out.
Navigating friendship drama can feel like being thrust back into high school. So what do you do when one of your good friends hangs out with someone you don’t vibe with? Honesty can be a tricky road to navigate — you don’t want to come off as jealous or petty. If you find yourself in this sticky situation at the next moms’ night out, here are some useful tips:
1. Remember Your Friend Chose You, Too.
Friendship isn’t a race. Your friend values you for a reason, whether you make her laugh until she snorts or you’re the one who brings the wine on tough days. It’s possible that her new friend brings something different to the table. Give the new dynamic a chance — your friend can see past the surface.
2. Avoid Bad-Mouthing the Other Friend.
New additions to the mom squad can be shiny at first. While it might seem obvious that this new friend isn’t the best fit, outright trash-talking will only make you look petty. If you’ve chosen your friends wisely, it won’t take long for others to see through the façade.
3. Exit Gracefully for Your Friendship’s Sake.
I once found myself in a situation where a mutual friend, Kayla, was obviously not a fan of mine. The tension became unbearable, and I realized I might have unintentionally offended her. To avoid putting my friend, Jenna, in a tough position, I made an excuse to leave early. It wasn’t about letting the mean girl win — it was about prioritizing my friend’s comfort.
4. Discuss Your Feelings with Facts.
Moms can sometimes be a bit catty, so it’s crucial to stick to the facts when discussing your feelings with your friend. Reflect on why this new friendship bothers you. Is it risky behavior? Hurtful comments? Or is it jealousy over time spent together? Be specific, use “I feel” statements, and approach the conversation respectfully. But be ready for the possibility that your friend may choose her new friend over you.
5. It’s Not Personal; It’s Them.
If you’re feeling rejected by a friend of a friend, consider the reason behind their behavior. Have you been friends with your mutual friend for years? Is the newcomer feeling insecure? Understanding where they’re coming from can help you move forward. As long as you’ve been kind and courteous, hold your head high; you know you’re a good friend to those who matter most.
In most cases, there’s enough of your friend to go around, so there’s no need to compete. Sure, we’re not children, but sometimes it helps to remind ourselves that “I’m rubber and you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
If you’re looking for more insights and tips on navigating relationships, check out our other blog post here. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit womenshealth.gov/pregnancy and learn more about how at-home insemination kits work at Make a Mom.
Summary:
Navigating friendships in the mom community can be complicated, especially when a friend of a friend doesn’t sit well with you. It’s crucial to remember that your friend values you, avoid bad-mouthing others, exit gracefully if needed, stick to facts when expressing your feelings, and recognize that their behavior may not be personal. By keeping these points in mind, you can maintain your friendships while managing the occasional drama.