I never understood the depths of my temper until I became a mom. Sure, I’d had my fair share of annoyances and squabbles, but I never truly lost my cool. Then I became a parent, and my inner firecracker was ignited.
It amazes me how swiftly I can transform from calm to furious over trivial matters. When you’re perpetually exhausted, minor issues feel monumental. I don’t want to explode at my child for splattering toothpaste water all over the bathroom mirror for the umpteenth time after countless reminders. I aspire to embody calmness, but after cleaning up one mess and dealing with a toddler clinging to my leg, my well of patience runs dry. Did Gandhi ever have to potty train a toddler? I doubt it; that would explain his chill demeanor.
When I’m running late, and I catch my son using a banana to wash his hands or discover my daughter has stripped down for the 38th time today and is now peeing on her baby dolls, I can feel my temper flaring. Or when someone tracks oatmeal across my freshly mopped floor right when I need coffee but it’s too early for wine… I lose it.
I own my temper, but it can get ugly. Recognizing that I often operate on a short fuse means I need to be kinder to those around me, including myself. Over time, I’ve developed strategies to maintain my composure when I feel ready to explode.
Self-Awareness
This is crucial for parenting, especially when my patience is wearing thin. I constantly check in with myself: Have I eaten? Do I need a pain reliever? A latte? Do I need to rest my feet for a bit? If I’m feeling tired, hungry, or stressed, those feelings are my responsibility to manage, not my kids’.
Seeing My Kids as Real People
Understanding that my children have valid needs and feelings is essential. It may seem absurd that my 4-year-old is in a meltdown because I opened his dresser drawer instead of letting him do it, but in his little mind, it’s a huge deal. I must remind myself that he’s not throwing a tantrum just to be difficult; he’s a person with his own thoughts about how things should work. It’s my role to help him navigate these emotions appropriately, and yelling, “Why can’t I open the drawer for you?!” isn’t going to teach him anything. Simple, right? Yet it’s tough to remember in the heat of the moment.
Taking Medication
At this point in my life, I find that I need medication to help me stay calm. And that’s perfectly okay. Parenting is incredibly challenging, and sometimes being medicated is better than being constantly angry. Just ask my family.
Taking Breaks is Crucial. Do You Hear Me? CRUCIAL.
I still feel guilty at times for not being the mom who revels in spending every waking moment with her kids until they leave home and I’m sobbing uncontrollably. But that’s not me. This ties back to self-awareness; I know my limits, and I avoid exceeding them. When I reach my limits, I find a way to take a break. Ignoring these signs only invites my temper back with a vengeance.
Forgiving Myself and My Kids
This practice keeps me from spiraling into despair. When I mess up, I apologize. I use my errors to show my own humanity, hoping my children learn from my honesty. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I do know that despite my flaws, I’m a pretty great mom.
It is possible to be a good parent even with a short fuse. Just remember to keep your craziness in check until you can express it appropriately. How many hours until bedtime?
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In summary, while parenting can evoke strong emotions, self-awareness, empathy, breaks, medication, and forgiveness are key to managing a short temper. Embrace your humanity, and strive to maintain your calm for the sake of your family.