My son has a girlfriend! They first met at a home-school gathering. I noticed them hanging out together and asked him her name. “L,” he replied, which is a big deal since he rarely remembers anyone’s name. I suspect he has friends he’s known for ages but can only describe as “you know, the girl with the ponytail whose mom does science at the co-op.”
Curious, I found L’s mom, who turned out to be a delightful person. “And L has a scooter just like mine!” my son, Oliver, exclaimed as he dashed past. This sparked a conversation between L’s mom and me about scootering, a shared passion of ours. It became clear that not only do they enjoy each other’s company, but they also share interests like obscure TV shows (the latest Scooby Doo, a secret agent series, and Doctor Who). They are both gluten-intolerant and believe in Bigfoot. It seems like a perfect pairing!
Oliver even proposed to her while they were out scootering together. They haven’t settled on a date yet (he’s thinking sooner, she’s leaning towards later), but “…she totally said ‘yes,’ Mom,” Oliver insists.
Both Oliver and L are 6 years old. I’ve always been a bit skeptical about childhood romances, thinking they contribute to the early sexualization of kids. What comes next after being boyfriend and girlfriend? I remember my cousin kissing someone at the sink in kindergarten, and we were all envious. While I knew it was innocent—no one making out on the playground—I didn’t want Oliver to think he could kiss anyone except family.
Honestly, I always believed their imaginations would be better spent on adventures rather than proposals—though Oliver did pop the question while they were out on the lake, with adults present and everyone safely equipped with life jackets. I wanted them to dream up fantastical scenarios rather than worry about when their wedding would be (he thinks 8, she thinks college).
Truth be told, I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of young kids calling someone their boyfriend or girlfriend. It felt like it sent the message to girls that their ultimate goal was to get married and start a family. I didn’t want Oliver to contribute to that notion, feeling it was my duty to prevent it.
Then I observed them together. Oliver and L play, pretending to solve mysteries, cooking in their toy kitchen, and running around. Their few “couple-like” actions are merely friendly: they take pictures of each other using their moms’ phones, and during their last scootering trip, they rolled down a hill together, making an adult follow at their pace. They splashed water and chatted along the way.
They’re not pretending to have a baby or planning a wedding. They are simply friends. The label of “boyfriend and girlfriend” seems to stem from the “best friend” concept they’ve seen with adults.
If you ask Oliver, he’ll tell you L is his best friend, and I’ve heard her say the same. The idea of marrying her is just a playful notion. I don’t think he’s imposing any outdated ideals on her. While they hold hands occasionally (which Oliver does with everyone), I don’t suspect they’ll be sneaking kisses behind the slide anytime soon.
And that’s the kind of relationship in elementary school that I can embrace.
For more insights and parenting ideas, you might want to check out our other blog posts like this one about home insemination. Also, if you’re interested in fertility resources, this article from the CDC is an excellent source.
In summary, my son’s innocent friendship with L offers a refreshing perspective on childhood relationships, focusing on play and friendship rather than romance, which I can fully support.