As I approach 35, I’ve decided to share my birthday wish list, a perfect reflection of how incredibly trendy it is to embrace being uncool in your mid-30s. Here’s what I asked my partner and child for:
- Scented candles (I even sent a coupon link to my partner)
- A couple of pairs of comfy moccasins
- Cozy slipper booties
- A gift card for books
- A gift card for Lane Bryant for some fresh undies
- Something pop culture-related, like a fun pin or a quirky card I can frame
Now, while I genuinely want all these items, I see my list more as a buffet of options—my husband and daughter can choose one or two to surprise me with. And yes, we have plans for a romantic getaway to a “cabin in the woods” with a fireplace, where dinner reservations are required.
Having vocalized my wish list and envisioned the cozy cabin, I feel like I’ve somehow entered a state of coma. Seriously, I’ve succumbed to the monotony of my own life.
To top it all off, I’m dealing with chin hair, my planned undies could be classified as “granny,” and I’m battling a minor foot fungi issue. Let’s just say, every night I wonder if I’ll wake up again. But you know what? Being in your 30s can actually be a blast!
In fact, this phase of life gives me the freedom to be unapologetically uncool. I’ve always rocked granny panties; books are my eternal obsession, and if lounging were an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist. Candles? They’re the new cats, and I’m hoarding them. I even suggested the card with words and the pin combo just so I look 35 instead of 82 when viewed through a rearview mirror.
A few weeks ago, I hit a dance bar, and the staff called me “ma’am.” Instead of sulking, I hit the dance floor, embracing my inner mom while observing the younger crowd. I even found myself starting a sentence with “Back in my day…” and ending with a humorous critique of the dance moves on the floor.
While I might have felt a twinge of discomfort, I ultimately had a great time. One of the perks of being in your mid-30s is the realization that impressing others is no longer on my to-do list. I have my beloved holey sweatpants waiting for me at home, and my partner loves me just the way I am. Plus, my daughter is old enough to occasionally bring me things while she hints at her disdain for my existence—which I like to think of as a welfare check.
Back in the day, I would have been embarrassed to admit my love for granny panties. While the Fruit of the Loom aisle can be a sad sight, I now see discomfort as far worse than investing in an eight-pack. I’m at a point where I’d proudly display my granny panties for all to see, even considering parachuting with a pair if heights didn’t scare me.
The biggest myth is that granny panties lead to a life of solitude, and that’s something I would have engraved on my tombstone if I could. My trusted sweatpants serve as a reminder that commitment to comfort is key—some folks have “carpe diem,” I have cotton.
Bring on 35, 40, and beyond! This holiday season, I’m asking for laser hair removal, and I can’t wait.
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Summary: As I approach 35, I celebrate the joys of being uncool in my mid-30s with a humorous birthday wish list. From granny panties to cozy slippers, I’ve learned to embrace comfort and let go of the pressure to impress. This phase of life allows for authentic self-expression and humor, all while enjoying the little things, like candles and books.