A couple of years ago, I was trimming my 7-year-old son, Max’s hair in our bathroom when he casually asked, “Do tattoos hurt?” I was in gym shorts, and he was perched on a step stool, just in his underwear. It was the first time he had ever brought up my tattoos.
I have a few: one on each shoulder and another on my right calf—a blue sun, an abstract face with headphones linked to a bomb from my favorite punk album, and unfortunately, the Grim Reaper.
When Max was just 2, I remember sitting in the living room, a towel wrapped around my waist after a shower. He stood beside me, his little face aligned with my shoulder, reaching out to touch one of my tattoos. He leaned in, his expression curious, silently noting that my body was a bit more colorful than his. At that moment, I realized this conversation was inevitable.
My first tattoo was the Grim Reaper, done when I was 19. When I unveiled it to my mom, she broke down in tears, exclaiming, “Do you know how hard I worked to keep my body nice?” I thought she was overreacting and a bit uptight. But now, every time I look at my tattoos, I’m reminded of a past that’s filled with sadness. The Grim Reaper signifies my father’s death, a reminder of an anxious, depressed teenager obsessed with punk music and struggling with loss.
Back then, the permanence of tattoos didn’t seem daunting. I once listened to a TED Talk about how people perceive their futures. Many think they’ll essentially remain the same, just a bit heavier and wrinklier. But looking back, I see how much I’ve grown. Now, my tattoos feel like remnants of a rebellious youth that no longer align with who I am as a 30-something father of three working at a university.
That’s the tough part about tattoos. Some people cherish theirs, associating them with joyful times—perhaps the birth of a child or a memorable trip. For me, it’s a different story. I got inked during my carefree days, but life has moved on, leaving me with reminders of a person I’ve outgrown.
As a parent, I want my kids to learn from my mistakes. I hope they don’t carry the weight of regret or heartache tied to their choices, especially when it comes to tattoos.
“Yeah,” I replied to Max. “Tattoos can hurt.” He asked, “Why?” As I continued cutting his hair, I explained how a tattoo needle works, pushing ink into the skin, emphasizing that while it might not sting at first, it can become uncomfortable over time.
“Will they ever go away?” he wondered. I told him that removal was an option, but not one we could afford, so they’ll likely be with me forever. His eyes widened; forever sounded daunting to a 7-year-old.
“Yeah,” I said. “As long as I’m alive. You know, Max, one day your friends might get tattoos and try to convince you to do the same. That’s what happened to me. I want you to know that I regret my tattoos. They feel like a shirt I can’t take off. Each year, they fade a bit more, and yet they’ll always be there. I didn’t consider any of this when I was your age.”
“19 is kind of old,” he remarked, making me chuckle. “Yeah, I thought that too back then.” Max seemed puzzled, but I could tell he was listening intently.
“Just know that I will always love you. If you ever come home with tattoos, you’ll still be my son. But I hope you think twice before getting one. Not because they’re wrong, but so you don’t have regrets like I do.” I paused, reflecting on what I wanted for him. “If you do decide to get one, make sure it represents a happy moment in your life.”
Max was quiet for a moment as I resumed cutting his hair. I looked at his smooth skin, perfect and untouched. It dawned on me why my mom was so upset when she saw my tattoo—I think she wanted to protect me, to keep me that innocent, perfect little boy, just like Max. For the first time, I understood her tears.
“Does this make sense?” I asked him. He looked up, half his hair cut, and replied, “Not really.”
“That’s okay,” I assured him. “I’m still figuring it out too.”
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Summary:
In reflecting on his tattoos, Jake shares a heartfelt conversation with his son, Max, about the regrets tied to his ink. He emphasizes the importance of making choices that align with personal growth and happiness, hoping to guide Max away from similar mistakes. The discussion highlights the complexities of parenting and the desire to protect children from potential regrets.