It’s 4 p.m., and I’m running on fumes. Last night was a blur, spent comforting my feverish, coughing toddler. On the stove, I have a few dishes simmering, and I’m anxiously monitoring the broccoli—I can’t let it turn mushy again, or my eldest will refuse to eat it. Meanwhile, my little one is in the bathroom, seemingly taking forever. Soon I’ll need to assist him, all while keeping dinner from burning.
As I juggle these tasks, my phone buzzes with work emails and my sister is messaging about weekend plans. Just then, my older son rushes in, excitedly chatting about the latest video game that has captured his attention. At the same time, I hear my younger son coughing loudly, and a wave of worry washes over me. Is it just a cold, or something more serious? Should I call the doctor?
Panic sets in. My thoughts race, and I find it hard to breathe. Anxiety, my frequent companion, has returned.
For those of us who grapple with anxiety, moments like these are when we start to feel overwhelmed. Everyone deals with stress to some degree, but anxious individuals have a heightened sensitivity. Our emotional barriers are thinner, making it easy for pressure to lead us to a breaking point. Yet, parenting requires us to push through, regardless of how we feel. The responsibilities of nurturing and caring for our children are relentless, filled with unexpected challenges and fears.
Anxiety often strikes right when I’m knee-deep in parenting. There’s little room for mindfulness or deep breathing when chaos reigns. I’m thankful that I don’t have full-blown anxiety attacks around my kids very often. Still, as someone with an anxiety disorder, I’ve had my share of trying moments. I strive to shield my children from my struggles, but if I’m in a particularly tough spot, I might sit on the couch and tell them, “Mommy needs a moment,” as I try to regain my composure.
Even on days where I don’t reach that breaking point, my mind often wanders, consumed by worries or tasks that seem urgent. I can’t help but wonder if my children notice when I’m distracted. When I’m in the kitchen, feeling pulled in every direction, does my older son sense that I’m not fully present as he talks about his games? Does he think, “Mommy is too busy to pay attention,” or does he realize that I’m overwhelmed and struggling to keep it together?
Sometimes I catch glimpses of anxiety in my kids. I’m not sure if they’re just experiencing typical childhood worries or if they’ve picked up on my anxious tendencies. I often find myself obsessing over how to protect them from developing anxiety themselves and whether there’s anything I can actually do to help.
In my own mind, I’m constantly apologizing for my anxious nature and the impact it may have on their lives. I sometimes verbalize it. “Sorry, I can’t focus on your game right now,” I tell my older son. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s like my brain has 17 tabs open at once.” When he nods, seemingly amused by my analogy, I wonder if he truly understands my apology. Will he remember me as a distracted parent, too lost in my thoughts to engage with him?
Anxious parents often hold themselves to an impossible standard. We want nothing more than for our children to feel safe and at ease. The truth is, I don’t have all the answers. I’m working on self-care routines, going to therapy, and exercising—activities that help me manage my anxiety more effectively.
But when I find my anxiety spilling over into my interactions with my kids, the guilt is heavy. I grieve for the moments I wish were different. I’m learning to accept that this is part of who I am, and that my deep concern for them can be a sign of my love. I just hope that they can see it that way, and if not, that they’ll find it in their hearts to forgive me for my imperfections.
For more insights on parenting and anxiety, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy. If you’re interested in self-insemination options, here’s a great article that covers various kits available. Additionally, you can explore this other blog post for more tips.
Summary
This heartfelt apology from a mother grappling with anxiety reflects on how her struggles can impact her children. She conveys the challenges of balancing parenting responsibilities with her mental health and expresses a deep desire for her kids to feel safe and supported. Through self-reflection and understanding, she hopes to navigate her anxieties while fostering a loving environment for her family.