When it comes to parenting styles like attachment parenting, many might not be familiar with its core principles. This approach usually includes co-sleeping, responding promptly to a baby’s cries, feeding on demand, and employing gentle discipline. If this style doesn’t resonate with you, that’s completely okay. This isn’t a critique of traditional parenting methods, which undoubtedly have their own advantages that I’m not here to discuss.
My experience with attachment parenting stems from raising my four children in this way, and I want to reach out to parents who might feel guilty about co-sleeping or worry that they’re spoiling their little ones. I’m speaking to the mom who feels like a human pacifier or the couple who hasn’t had a weekend getaway since their baby arrived. If any of this sounds familiar, this piece is for you.
We never set out to be attachment parents. In fact, when our first child arrived, we hadn’t really thought much about our parenting approach. It just unfolded naturally. Our son slept better when he was close to us, and we found that co-sleeping worked well for our family. I’ve never been one for strict schedules, so nursing on demand felt instinctual and natural for us. This made it challenging to leave him for any length of time, so we simply didn’t. When it came to baby carriers, they weren’t comfortable for me, and I found it easier to carry him in my arms or use a baby sling.
Before we knew it, we were fully immersed in attachment parenting. While this approach felt right for us, I often questioned our choices, despite receiving support from our families and experts. There were certainly moments that made me doubt our methods. For instance, when our eldest hit four, he experienced severe separation anxiety. Had we made him too dependent? By age five, our second child still crawled into our bed at night. Was that normal? Our third child wanted to be held almost constantly during her first year and a half. Was this behavior acceptable? And our youngest, who didn’t speak as early as the others—had we spoiled him by giving him everything he desired without him even asking?
Looking back, I wish I had known what I know now: my children are turning out wonderfully. They aren’t all grown yet—our youngest is just twelve—but so far, I’m pleased with who they are becoming. While I don’t attribute all their positive qualities solely to attachment parenting, I do believe that being raised in an environment filled with love has had a significant impact. Here are some long-term benefits I’ve observed in my attachment-parented kids:
- Kindness: My children aren’t perfect, but they genuinely strive to be kind to others. They respond to others with compassion, mirroring the gentle discipline they’ve experienced at home.
- Independence: A common misconception about attachment parenting is that it creates overly dependent kids. In reality, as my children have grown into tweens and teens, they have become confident and self-sufficient.
- Affection: Even though my kids are getting older, they still enjoy snuggling up for family movie nights and seldom enter or leave a room without expecting a hug. The comfort with showing affection remains strong.
- Healthy Attachments: Contrary to warnings about being too friendly with our kids, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. This creates a relaxed family dynamic that can ease the challenges of adolescence.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Yes, my children squabble like any siblings, but there’s a deep-rooted love among them that likely stems from our close family connection.
- Happiness: All the attachment-parented kids I know, including my own, are generally happy. They have experienced a nurturing environment that has led to emotional fulfillment and security.
Attachment parenting is just one of many ways to raise children. My kids aren’t without flaws, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. However, I appreciate who they are becoming at their core. I’m not a parenting expert, but during my early days as a mother, it was the shared experiences of other moms that calmed my worries. Attachment parenting worked for us and our children, and if it resonates with you, embrace it. Yes, it can be demanding, but the fleeting moments of childhood create unforgettable memories and wonderful individuals.
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Summary
Attachment parenting unfolded naturally for our family, even though we never intended to adopt this style. Through co-sleeping, nursing on demand, and prioritizing affection, we’ve seen our children develop into kind, independent, and happy individuals with strong family bonds. While this approach may not suit everyone, it has worked wonderfully for us, and I encourage parents to embrace what feels right for them.