“How are you holding up?” the psychologist inquired after his session with my son.
This is a question I’ve been receiving frequently since my son was diagnosed with mental health issues—by kind friends, family members, my husband, and many others. I appreciate the concern, but I often find myself at a loss for how to respond.
The past weeks (or maybe months) have felt like a blur of symptoms, emotional outbursts, medications that sometimes work and others that don’t, and a relentless cycle of doctors and therapists. This eventually led us to a thorough neuropsychiatric evaluation at one of the leading children’s hospitals in the country.
After several days filled with tests, questionnaires to take home, family history forms, and in-depth interviews, we received the diagnosis for my 10-year-old son. They confirmed his generalized anxiety disorder and also diagnosed him with ADHD and a mood disorder.
As we walked out of the hospital, my son’s hand in mine, navigating through the bustling downtown, everything felt different—unknown, daunting.
Returning home, I was met with the same chaos we left behind in the kitchen that morning. My oldest son was eager to share what he had learned about flightless fruit flies for feeding frogs, while my husband was trying to catch up on work after taking time off.
As I’ve mentioned before, getting a mental health diagnosis for your child doesn’t change life immediately. The reality is, nothing shifts except for your heart—it’s forever altered.
You go home, and the meltdowns persist, sleepless nights remain, and your child still grapples with pain. It takes time for treatment to commence, and even longer for it to show any effect. With my oldest son, it took months before we noticed a real change for the better. I remind myself of this as much as I can—it just requires patience.
The hardest part of this waiting period between a diagnosis and the start of effective treatment is witnessing my sweet boy’s struggles while feeling powerless to alleviate his suffering. As a mother, the inability to act feels wrong—profoundly wrong. It takes more courage and faith to do nothing than I thought I could muster at this moment.
Strategies for Coping
In this season of uncertainty, I’ve identified a few strategies that might help:
- Embrace Relaxation: We need to adjust our expectations regarding schedules, school, meal prep, and household chores. Our family is officially in survival mode now.
- Be Intentional with Your Other Child(ren): My oldest son is doing well at the moment, but it’s tempting to let him take the backseat while I focus on my newly diagnosed son. That would be easy, but not wise. He needs my support more than ever as he tries to understand why his brother has changed. I must show him that he remains a priority, even if things look different for a while.
- Pray Constantly: I find solace in prayer—raw, heartfelt prayers. I pray for protection, healing, and patience. I pray for help and understanding, and I often cry out, “Why him?” and “Why us?” The prayers without words, filled with tears, are just as essential. They remind me that I am not alone in this storm. The more I pray, the more I recognize that God is here with us, as He always has been. My son is not just my child; he belongs to God first. I find comfort in knowing that he is wonderfully made, and a diagnosis doesn’t change that truth.
As time goes on, I begin to see how my son’s unique brain, while still somewhat of a mystery, is also a source of beauty. The artistic, empathetic, lively, and loving boy is still very much here—not in spite of his diagnoses, but in some ways because of them.
I refuse to pick and choose what I love about my son. I cherish him entirely, just as he is.
So, when I’m asked, “How are you doing?” I simply respond: I’m loving him with all I’ve got.
If you’re interested in more discussions about parenting and related topics, check out this blog post as well as this resource for expert information. For those seeking further insights into pregnancy, this is an excellent resource to consider.
Summary
This article reflects on the journey of a mother navigating her child’s mental health diagnosis, emphasizing the emotional challenges and coping strategies that arise during the uncertain period between diagnosis and effective treatment. The author highlights the importance of relaxation, intentionality with other children, and the power of prayer in finding peace amidst the chaos.