Recently, while walking from my car to the office, I encountered an unsettling moment. An older man driving a utility van passed me, lingering his gaze a moment too long before pulling into the parking lot. My anxiety surged, and instinctively, I adjusted my car keys between my fingers, a familiar stance for potential defense. I was 27.
A few years back, I was sitting at a red light in a bustling college town, my window slightly cracked and doors unlocked. I noticed a young man exiting a nearby bar, making his way alongside the stopped cars, peering into the windows. Recognizing his intentions, I quickly locked my doors just as he reached my vehicle. His hand yanked at my passenger door handle as he demanded entry. When the light turned green, I hit the gas. I was 22 then.
Nearly a decade ago, during my college years, I had to walk home from an evening class in the dark. I always kept my keys handy, my phone within reach, and was aware of all the emergency call boxes—those “blue lights” on campus meant for women in distress. One evening, a male classmate insisted on walking me back to my dorm under the pretense of needing to borrow notes from me. The atmosphere shifted drastically when we reached my room; he had no interest in my notes—he wanted something else entirely. After enduring his escalating advances, I threatened to “kick him where it hurts and call the cops.” That was when I was 20.
The year before, while walking from an internship to class, I experienced something similar. Clad in skinny jeans and a sweater, I passed a group of guys in my college’s administrative building. One of them made eye contact and boldly commented, “You’re almost a 10.” His friend chimed in, “Nah, she’s more like an 8, but I’d still hit it.” My retort? “Go to hell.” Later, while navigating through their group, I was groped. I was 20.
Earlier that year, I attended a fraternity party, wearing a relatively modest outfit by party standards. When trying to enter, the door guard insisted on some sort of interaction before letting my friend and me in. My friend, eager to be included, kissed him on the cheek, and we were allowed entry. However, we quickly left upon witnessing several female students incapacitated on couches and in corners. On our way out, fraternity brothers frisked every woman leaving under the guise of preventing theft, but it felt much more intrusive. I was 19.
In high school, I was left outside a basketball game by my boyfriend for talking to a friend from the opposing team. Stranded in the cold, a male friend offered me a ride home, but his intentions quickly turned inappropriate. I was 17.
As a preteen, I faced harassment from classmates. I remember the humiliation of being teased for wearing regular underwear instead of a thong. One boy even thought it amusing to pull my underwear up my backside. I was just 12.
Now, at 27, I am a wife and mother of two—one son and one daughter. My most significant duty is to prepare them for a world where phrases like “boys will be boys” and “girls should just keep quiet” remain prevalent.
You might be thinking, “Isn’t this just a platform for her to air her grievances?” No. These are just the PG-rated experiences I’m comfortable sharing. I never disclosed these incidents to my parents, and it’s likely your daughter hasn’t shared her encounters either.
One day, your daughter may come home upset because a boy snapped her bra strap in class. You’ll wish you had empowered her to respond decisively. Sadly, she might keep it to herself, unsure of why it happened.
I share this not only to highlight potential experiences but also because your son may be one of those who perpetrate these acts. Sadly, the likelihood exists that he could engage in inappropriate behavior at some point in his life. It’s crucial to teach him that consent is non-negotiable, regardless of what he might hear from influential figures. If you’re interested in more related topics, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In conclusion, we have much work to do in nurturing a safer environment for our children. Let’s ensure they grow up understanding respect, consent, and the importance of speaking out against inappropriate behavior.