While chatting with a friend, she asked when I planned to discuss bodies and reproduction with my kids. At the time, they were 4, 5, and 7 years old. When I told her I had already had those conversations, she looked taken aback. “Wow! I thought I had more time, at least until middle school!”
As appealing as that idea sounded, I discovered the hard way that I had already missed the critical window with my first two children. They both learned about bodies from classmates just a few weeks into kindergarten during recess. It was alarming to realize how early these discussions were occurring. I honestly don’t remember having such talks when I was that age.
A few weeks after starting kindergarten, my oldest came home and asked if sex was when people rub their private parts together. That prompted me to have a serious discussion with him, thinking it was just a one-off incident. Surely there was a “bad” kid in his class who was spreading this info. Then the same thing happened with my daughter, who told me her friends Tommy and Sarah “made sex on the bus.” I had no idea that 5-year-olds were already chatting about these topics!
After speaking with their teachers, who were unfazed by the kids’ conversations, I had to mentally prepare myself for the fact that my children would encounter many topics before I was ready. Welcome to parenthood—are we ever truly prepared?
I addressed both situations promptly, explaining the basics of reproduction in a way I thought they could grasp. While there are many great books available for discussing these topics with young children, I didn’t have any on hand, nor did I have a clear plan. Like my friend, I had thought I still had years to go.
The discussions went surprisingly well. They were brief and non-traumatic, and the expressions on their faces when I explained what sex actually was were priceless. They didn’t have many questions at the time, but they have asked me plenty since, which reassures me that they feel comfortable coming to me.
I emphasized that this should not be talked about at school and that if they had questions, they should ask an adult—preferably me or their dad. I must admit, I was nervous they might still share what we discussed. Nobody wants to be the parent whose child is giving sex ed lessons on the playground!
Before my third child started kindergarten, I took the chance to have short discussions about bodies and reproduction. I was straightforward, avoiding nicknames for body parts and not changing the subject when he asked innocent questions. I didn’t try to cram everything in at once; instead, I listened for cues that he was ready to wrap up the conversation while ensuring my voice was the first he heard on this subject.
Through my own research, I learned that around age 4 is a common time for children to become curious about sexuality. Often, because kids haven’t been exposed to much, they don’t realize there’s anything inappropriate about discussing it. And there really isn’t, as long as they understand the appropriate time and place for these conversations, which is just as challenging to teach.
I frequently remind them that they shouldn’t go to school to teach others about reproduction because that’s a job for grown-ups. If they ever feel uncomfortable because someone touched them in a way that feels wrong, they need to tell an adult. This foundational understanding has made it much easier for me to empower my kids about acceptable language, behavior, and how to seek help.
Now that my children are older (13, 11, and almost 10), discussing more complex questions about bodies and reproduction is much easier. Given the wealth of information available online, I need to maintain a strong voice as it only gets more complicated.
I’m confident my kids will feel comfortable coming to me with questions due to our openness. While that doesn’t guarantee they will, I believe I’ve done all I can to keep communication flowing. I firmly believe that having these discussions at a young age was the right choice. I never want there to be shame associated with such an important topic. This openness has also made it easier to tackle other difficult subjects like alcohol, drugs, relationships, abuse, and consent.
While this approach may not suit every family, it has worked well for us. I spoke to each child individually to reduce any awkwardness. Each conversation has been unique, and I recognize that my approach might not align with other families, as children absorb information differently. You must do what feels right for you as a parent. For me, having early conversations about bodies and reproduction has provided peace of mind, which is invaluable in today’s world.
For more insights on similar topics, you might want to check out this other blog post here. Additionally, if you’re looking for information on fertility, Make A Mom is a great resource. For a comprehensive guide on pregnancy, visit Healthline for excellent information.
Summary:
Having the talk about bodies and reproduction with children before kindergarten can be beneficial. Early conversations help establish a foundation of trust and understanding, empowering kids to communicate openly about sensitive topics. With the prevalence of information available today, parents can feel more confident discussing these subjects, ensuring their children approach them without shame. Each family’s approach will vary, and it’s crucial to find what works best for you and your children.