Whenever I come across an article discussing kids and their eating habits—especially ones about picky eaters—I can almost guarantee I’ll see countless comments proclaiming, “In our home, our children eat what we serve, or they don’t eat at all.” This is basically the classic “eat it or starve” argument, often presented as a remedy for picky eating or a way to prevent it from occurring in the first place. As a parent of a picky eater, I’ve heard this advice more times than I can count from well-meaning folks who want to share their approach to feeding children.
While I can appreciate the sentiment behind it, I have to admit that in practice, it’s utterly ridiculous. For those of us with genuinely picky eaters, this strategy simply does not work.
Understanding Picky Eaters
Let’s clarify what a true picky eater is. They are not just your average toddlers who have suddenly decided they don’t like anything other than bread and cereal. No, picky eaters have shown their preferences since they first tried solids. Many even displayed fussiness as nursers or bottle-fed babies. They can be physically repulsed by certain foods and possess very distinct ideas about what they will or won’t eat. Sensory sensitivities often accompany this behavior, affecting how they react to textures—not just in food but in clothing and other items as well.
The list of foods that picky eaters will consume is usually quite limited, and they often won’t stray from it, at least not until they’re older. For example, my son loved pizza, but only from our local pizzeria; any other pizza was deemed unacceptable, regardless of how similar it appeared to him. People would frequently offer him pizza from different places, but he would take one bite and insist that it was entirely different from the pizza he enjoyed.
The Nature of Picky Eating
Picky eaters are born this way. I have two sons, one who is a textbook picky eater and another who is more flexible but can still be choosy. I didn’t change how I fed them; I breastfed both for extended periods, offered fruits and veggies when they started solids, and avoided processed foods as long as possible. When I introduced solid foods to my picky son, he reacted as if I had given him something spoiled (it was just a banana). His brother, on the other hand, devoured the avocado I offered him within seconds.
I’ve tried everything imaginable with my picky eater. We encouraged him to try new foods multiple times, believing the myth that it takes at least 15 tries for a child to decide if they like something. In reality, my son usually knew right away and wouldn’t budge after that first taste.
We attempted the “eat it or starve” approach, but he would simply choose to skip meals until we fed him again. I could do this with my non-picky eater; he often accepted “spaghetti and meatballs” as dinner and would usually eat it eventually. But picky eaters are resolute about their preferences and will not relent. If you haven’t lived this experience yourself, please, keep your opinions to yourself.
Empathy for Parents of Picky Eaters
Don’t judge parents of picky eaters or assume we’re spoiling our kids. They didn’t choose to be picky; it’s in their nature. Research suggests that most picky eaters will outgrow some of their fussiness eventually—though it may take years. Some will remain somewhat picky throughout their lives; you likely know adults like that.
Over time, I’ve learned to navigate my son’s pickiness more gracefully. Yes, I sometimes prepare separate meals for him if I know he won’t touch what I’ve cooked. I’ve stopped shaming him for his preferences because I recognize he’s doing his best.
Things have improved naturally. Now, at 9 ½, my son is more open to trying new foods, including pizza from a few different places—even my homemade version! He still has his limitations, but the progress he’s made is commendable.
Resources for Parents
If you’re interested in learning more about handling picky eaters or parenting in general, check out this informative blog post from one of our other sites, or visit Make A Mom for expert advice. You can also find valuable resources at CCRM IVF for pregnancy and home insemination topics.
Summary
Picky eaters present unique challenges for parents, and conventional advice like “eat it or starve” often fails to address the real issues at play. True picky eaters have specific preferences and sensory sensitivities that make feeding them a complex task. Parents should not be judged for how they navigate these challenges, as every child is different. With time and patience, many picky eaters gradually become more open to new foods.