When a marriage starts to unravel, hidden wounds that time and routine have long concealed can suddenly resurface, causing pain as intense as new injuries. Accusations of betrayal, deceit, and indifference fly back and forth, making it all too easy to retreat into the mindset of “I’m right, and you’re wrong.” This was my reality not too long ago, standing my ground with crossed arms and tear-stained cheeks, convinced that I was the victim and he was the one at fault. “I can’t take this anymore,” I thought.
Then, a friend offered insight that shifted my perspective completely. “You’re convinced you’re the only one suffering, but remember, this is someone you loved enough to raise children with. Are you sure he isn’t hurting too? Have you really given him a chance to share his side?”
Admittedly, I wasn’t in the mood to hear my husband out. Isn’t that what fights often boil down to? We become so consumed with our own pain that we fail to listen to the other person, drowning out their words in the noise of our own grievances. I began to wonder if I was being unjust and missing a chance to mend things. “I don’t have the energy for this,” I told myself.
For days, I navigated around my husband, unsure how to express my desire to communicate. I honestly believed he didn’t want to talk to me. We had constructed barriers of silence so thick that our only exchanges were about the kids or household logistics.
Nights were spent awake, contemplating how to convey that I was ready to listen. Finally, one morning, I whispered, “I’m sorry.” I was taken aback by my own words, and I could see that my husband was equally surprised. Inside, my ego screamed in protest, but my heart urged me to continue. “Am I messing this up?” I wondered.
“I haven’t treated you fairly. We’ve been going in circles, never truly listening to each other. I realize we’re both hurting, but can we just take some time to hear one another out?” He didn’t respond verbally, but I noticed a slight softening in his expression. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to indicate that my words had resonated with him. “Please don’t leave me,” my heart pleaded.
What followed were days of awkward attempts at conversation, avoiding the big issues that had ignited our anger. I made a promise to myself to focus on the present rather than dwell on past grievances. And isn’t that what forgiveness is all about?
There are moments when anger still bubbles to the surface, especially during the exhausting cycle of contemplating divorce. I long for a clean break or a complete resolution, but that’s not how relationships or life work, especially with children involved.
I’ve let go of my pride and made it my daily goal to foster compassion and understanding with my husband. Who knows if this will lead to success, but at least we’ve become gentler with each other. “There’s still love somewhere in this chaos,” I remind myself.
“Our kids are watching us,” I tell him, “so let’s make this work.” For now, we resemble two porcupines trying to draw closer while carefully navigating the prickly remnants of past wounds. I’m certain there is love amidst this mess, and even if we ultimately fail, I will know that we genuinely tried.
If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of parenthood and relationships, check out our posts like this one. For couples on this journey, Make a Mom is a valuable resource. And for comprehensive information on pregnancy, visit this excellent resource.
Summary
In moments of marital strife, the importance of forgiveness and humility can become clear. By allowing ourselves to listen and empathize, we can mend deep-seated wounds. The journey is fraught with challenges, but with compassion and understanding, it is possible to navigate through the turmoil, keeping the love alive for ourselves and our children.