By: Jessica Lane
Updated: Dec. 10, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 2, 2016
Today has been one of those long, draining, self-doubting days where all I wanted to do was retreat to bed. With this annoying cold lingering, the chaotic news cycle, and a million thoughts bouncing around in my head, it felt like my brain was about to burst. All I craved was to snuggle under my blankets and have someone else take care of me.
But, as we all know, life doesn’t pause just because a parent is feeling under the weather and could use some pampering. Responsibilities keep piling up, and the world keeps spinning. Given how I was feeling, this evening was shaping up to be a classic “mom loses her cool” scenario. I felt miserable, my partner was working late, and the babysitter canceled because she was also sick. I had to drag my kids to a church meeting, we had no dinner ready, and there was no time to whip something up. Everything felt like a monumental challenge, and I was convinced I was failing at adulting.
Typically, when stress hits or I’m feeling unwell, I tend to mask those feelings, pushing forward with a “chin up” attitude. But that often results in me having a meltdown while trying to prepare dinner or nagging my kids over their homework or telling them for the umpteenth time to brush their teeth and go to sleep.
Tonight, however, I decided to take a different approach. Instead of pretending everything was fine, I turned to my kids and said, “Hey, I need your help. I’m not feeling great. I know you don’t want to go to this meeting with me, and honestly, neither do I. But it’s what we have to do. I really just need you both to do your homework and not fight. And please, don’t embarrass me at this meeting. I’m struggling, and I could use your support.”
I’m not sure what worked—maybe it was the two hours of tablet time I allowed them during the meeting, or the McDonald’s shakes we got afterward, or the pure desperation in my voice—but they actually stepped up. They didn’t fight (well, not too much) and managed not to embarrass me (except for when Teddy pointed out the colorful drawing of a butt he made on his arm). When we got home, they continued to help out.
They guided me to bed, brought me drinks (water, coffee, juice, and lemonade), and even folded laundry. I could hear my oldest son asking his dad where my bras go while he chatted on the phone. They even created a sweet card for me, brushed their teeth, and—can you believe it—they went to bed! I asked for help, and they delivered. Who would’ve guessed?
The takeaway from this experience? We don’t have to be martyrs in parenting or life. It’s perfectly fine to ask for assistance and allow others to support us. We can take a breather without the world crumbling around us. It’s okay to show our vulnerabilities without being seen as weak.
So, fellow parents, let’s remember that it’s alright to let our kids witness our struggles and to lean on them when we need it. It’s okay to say “no” and admit when we can’t handle it all. It’s okay to blend family obligations with work commitments. It’s acceptable to crawl into bed earlier than usual, let the dishes pile up, and even admit, “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know I’m probably messing it up.” We can embrace being human, strong, and vulnerable all at once.
It’s alright to say, “I feel terrible.” It’s okay to ask for help. It’s simply okay.
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Summary:
As parents, it’s normal to face challenging days where we feel overwhelmed. Instead of trying to shoulder everything alone, it’s okay to ask our kids for help. By opening up about our struggles, we create opportunities for support and connection. Embracing our vulnerabilities allows us to be both strong and human.