When you take on the role of a parent, you naturally become a role model. This often means adjusting your behavior, which can be challenging. Luckily, a new book by a cognitive science professor offers some relief: it’s perfectly acceptable to swear in front of your children. Yes, you read that right!
Benjamin Carson, a linguist and professor at UC Davis, explores the topic of swearing in his book, What the F: What Swearing Reveals About our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves. After becoming a father, Carson found himself censoring his language, a common struggle for many parents concerned about their kids picking up bad words. No one wants to get that phone call from school after their child lets a few choice words slip in class.
Curious about the need to watch his language, Carson conducted research and discovered that context matters more than the words themselves. He differentiates between swears and slurs—where slurs can be hurtful, regular profanity doesn’t lead to any significant harm like increased aggression or emotional numbness. While he acknowledges that swearing directly at kids is abusive, he reassures parents that swearing in their presence isn’t inherently damaging.
Kids are constantly exposed to language that isn’t suitable for them, whether it’s from overhearing their parents, listening to music, or wandering through a group of friends. As a parent, I often find myself teasing my partner for swearing around our kids—not because I believe it’s a big issue (I swear a lot too!) but because I think there’s a time and place for it. For instance, swearing during a math lesson isn’t the best choice.
Children don’t always grasp the subtleties of social interactions like adults do. I can choose when to keep my language clean at work, but I can’t expect a six-year-old to differentiate between shouting at the TV during a game and cursing in a church. The good news, according to Carson, is that as long as you’re not using profanity to insult someone, a few four-letter words here and there won’t do much harm.
It’s comforting to know that there’s scientific evidence supporting our occasional slip-ups, allowing us to feel less guilty when we do let a curse word fly—especially when dropping the kids off at school.
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In summary, while it’s essential to model appropriate behavior for our kids, occasional swearing isn’t the end of the world. Context is key, and it’s all about teaching children when and where certain language is acceptable.