Saying I miss my kids when I’m away doesn’t quite capture the intensity of those feelings. I’ve endured sleepless nights, overwhelming anxiety, and even bouts of nausea over leaving them. Friends have suggested I should loosen the reins, that it’s not normal to feel this way just for a weekend away, and that I may have control issues. Perhaps they’re right. But rather than analyzing my emotions, I simply acknowledge them and make the choice to go anyway.
The first time I left my oldest child, Leo, for a weekend, he was just 10 months old. I was a bit dramatic about it; I asked my partner, Mark, to leave with him first so it didn’t feel like I was the one abandoning them. I remember sitting in my car feeling like I might throw up. However, that weekend turned out to be a much-needed escape. We shopped until we couldn’t think straight, indulged in McDonald’s fries while getting pedicures, enjoyed dinner with live music, and relished double scoops of ice cream while reminiscing about our college days. We’ve done it every year since.
When my youngest, Emma, was six months old, I embarked on another weekend getaway. At a bustling outdoor restaurant, I struck up a conversation with two women in their late 60s who were also close friends enjoying a weekend together. They shared that they had been doing this for the past 20 years since their kids grew up. They reminisced about how difficult it was to leave for a weekend back in the day.
Curious, they asked how many kids I had. When I told them I had three—ages 3, 2, and 6 months—and that they were at home with Mark, their jaws dropped. They were astonished that he was handling it all alone.
In that moment, I felt grateful for choosing to spend quality time with my friend instead of succumbing to guilt and staying home. I’ve had moments where I convinced myself I didn’t need a break, but I continually return to these compelling reasons:
- I deserve it.
Yes, I miss my kids dearly, but I also miss my friend. Those weekends can’t be reclaimed, and I need this time for myself just as much as I need time with my family. - It’s worth it.
Planning a getaway is a lot of work, especially as a busy parent wearing many hats. Yet that effort makes coming home feel more rewarding, as I return recharged despite the mess waiting for me. - It benefits the family.
My return is often celebrated, and while I’m always their go-to person, it’s crucial for my family to bond with Mark and learn to thrive without me for a bit. It shows them that I have a life beyond motherhood, and that’s perfectly okay. - My partner encourages it.
Mark notices a difference in my mood when I take time away. He prefers the version of me that has had a little freedom and can enjoy some fun adult time. - I don’t want to be the woman who fell off the bench.
I can’t be the mom who’s there 24/7. I want my family to function well without me. I don’t want to feel trapped at home because they rely too heavily on me.
While the anxiety still creeps in when I leave, it’s more manageable now. I might lose a little sleep, but it’s often from the excitement of shopping without children or indulging in meals without sharing. There’s a refreshing break from the constant demands of motherhood. Yet when I finally walk through that door, wrap my arms around my kids, breathe in their familiar scent, and express how happy I am to see them, I mean it wholeheartedly. After a few days away, as serene as it is, I’m always ready to immerse myself back into the beautiful chaos of family life.
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In summary, while I may miss my kids when I’m away, I understand that taking time for myself is essential for my well-being and ultimately benefits my family.