A year ago, my partner and I attended a wedding that was truly a sight to behold. If there were a show titled “My Dream Wedding,” this celebration would certainly make the cut. Set in a luxurious beachfront mansion, the event featured multiple bands, countless food stations, and even synchronized swimmers performing in the pool. While everything was visually stunning, what resonated with me the most was a statement made by the officiant during the ceremony. He proclaimed, “Marriage isn’t the most important thing; it’s the only important thing.” This remark lingered in my mind.
When you become a parent to a child with Down syndrome, it’s like being welcomed into a unique community. Other parents reach out, offering support, encouragement, and understanding. Just a week after we brought our son home from the NICU, a fellow parent sent us a heartfelt email. She had received her son’s diagnosis right after birth and shared her fears, but also the joy he brings that dispels many of those worries. She spoke of the hope she holds for his future.
As we finished reading, my partner turned to me, tears streaming down his face, nearly choking on his words. “I hope he finds a girl with Down syndrome; I want him to experience love like I do with you,” he managed to say.
During the time we were grappling with the diagnosis, I often found myself haunted by that very thought. Marriage had always held great significance for both of us; would our son ever have that chance? Would he find someone to love and reciprocate that love? Thankfully, as life expectancy for individuals with Down syndrome increases, so too does their likelihood of marrying. Yet, when people with Down syndrome do tie the knot, it often makes headlines; it’s still a rarity.
I genuinely hope our son gets married someday, but I now understand that my desire stems from my own happiness in marriage. It has shaped me into a better person. However, just because I’ve chosen to prioritize marriage in my life doesn’t mean it has to be the focal point of his. And that’s completely acceptable. Our responsibility as parents is not to create replicas of ourselves, but to instill strong values while encouraging independence and personal decision-making.
So, to the officiant, I respectfully disagree. Marriage isn’t the only thing that matters; love is. Perhaps our son won’t love in the same way his father and I do, but he will surely experience love in many forms. He will love his sister, his grandparents, his cousins, and maybe even a partner. Whether married or single, his life will be rich with love.
For further insights on parenting and relationships, check out this other blog post here. If you’re considering at-home insemination, a reputable source for supplies is Make a Mom where you can find top-quality kits. Also, for a wealth of information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Kindbody’s blog.
In summary, while marriage is a significant aspect of life, it is the capacity to love that truly defines our experiences. Our children may forge their own paths, and that is more than okay; it is wonderful.
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