Her little face captivates me, now at the age of 3, yet somehow it reminds me of her toddler days. She’s still my baby, and her expression echoes a moment from our past — both of these memories unfold in the warmth of a bubble bath.
Motherhood is undeniably tough. The guilt that often accompanies it is real. Balancing time with my partner amidst the chaos can feel overwhelming. The jokes about needing coffee or a glass of wine? They’re only partly a joke. Looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t fully understand the challenges of parenthood before diving in — it might have altered my decision.
I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to establish a sleep routine for my little ones, contrary to what so many articles and parents suggest. I had no idea my patience would be tested beyond my limits, nor did I expect my understanding of self-love to be challenged by the all-consuming nature of motherhood.
But as the bubbles wash away, so do my worries about how I look, how often I get to work out, or how infrequently I get moments to myself. They vanish as I see her delicate face close to mine, playing with her toys in the bath.
I feel an urge to turn back time and cradle her as an infant, free from the worries of the future. Yet, I can’t. So, I cherish the 3-year-old I have now. I wish I could remind my past self to rest more and not waste energy worrying about tomorrow. But I can’t. I can only care for myself now as best as I can.
I long to go back and show my partner just how much I cherish him amidst the whirlwind of motherhood. I want to tell my younger self that our love remains a priority, even with a baby in tow. But again, I can’t. So, I nurture our bond every day, balancing love for my husband and my children.
I wish I could tell my first-time mom self that I don’t need to expect anything in return. But I can’t, so I embrace the changes in my body after two kids, accepting that I am beautiful and grateful for the journey.
I want to remind my second-time mom self that it’s impossible to give as much attention to a new baby as I did the first. Still, this doesn’t lessen my love. But I can’t go back, so I hold my second child close and express my love in every way I can.
I wish I could pause time when my daughters ask me to play. I want to tell myself to let the chores wait and simply engage in their world more often. But I can’t, so I do my best to play whenever they beckon.
I want to assure my past self that I did everything right the first time, that I always gave my best, even if I might approach things differently now. But I can’t, so I celebrate the good I’ve done, acknowledging my imperfections along the way.
To all the mothers out there, know that you are loved. Many of those you care for witness your efforts and the love you pour into your family. Take a moment to appreciate the unique world you’ve built at home.
While I can’t rewind time to savor every hug or milestone, life reminds us that there’s always something new to look forward to. Watching my 3-year-old excitedly start preschool and seeing my toddler begin to grow up brings me joy. So much awaits us, and so much is already here.
My coffee may often go cold because of the busyness of the day, and my home may not always be tidy, but the happiness surrounding us is plentiful. Motherhood is hard, and I’m relieved I didn’t know just how challenging it would be. Yet, I’m grateful for the journey that has led us here.
Where we are now is as sacred as holding a newborn. Each day with my lukewarm coffee, my daughters bickering, and my partner and I stealing a kiss amidst the chaos will someday fill my heart with fondness, just like those earlier years.
Motherhood, while tough, has shaped me in ways I never anticipated. I’ve learned about love and sacrifice and received more joy than I could have imagined before becoming a parent.
I can’t go back and relive the past, and I don’t want to — because I see the love in the eyes of my 3-year-old who calls me “Mom.” I can love her and her little sister fiercely, feeling gratitude fill my heart.
Summary
Motherhood is a challenging yet rewarding journey filled with love and growth. While it’s natural to wish for do-overs, embracing the present and cherishing every moment is what truly matters. Each day brings new joys and lessons, shaping us into better parents. The chaos may be overwhelming, but the love and memories created along the way are irreplaceable.