Parenting
Let’s Discuss Sexuality by Jenna Carter
Sep. 16, 2016
Let’s discuss sexuality. If you’re anything like me and grew up to the tunes of Salt-N-Pepa, you might find yourself instinctively finishing that phrase with, “Ba-by…” (And if you’re truly like me, you might even pause to rap the entire song!) But no matter what your soundtrack was in the early 1990s, the phrase “let’s talk about sex” probably brings on a wave of nervousness. But we must have this conversation. (Sigh. Must we?) Yes, it’s essential.
I distinctly remember a day in the mid-1990s, cruising with my mom and little brother when that iconic Salt-N-Pepa track played on the radio. As I was entering puberty, my mom seized the moment to initiate a chat. She casually asked, “Do you understand what they’re saying?” I panicked and shouted, “No!” while frantically reaching for the radio dial. It was too late; I was already aware of the taboo.
My mom is a smart and caring individual. Her approach was similar to many well-intentioned parents. Throughout my childhood, she tried to shield me from any media she thought was inappropriate. This meant avoiding shows or movies that could spark questions about sex. Although I experienced puberty early — which was challenging — my mom adapted her strategy to guide me through this new phase. She taught me about hygiene products, shared educational books with diagrams, and talked about how boys might start noticing me, reassuring me that I could come to her with any questions.
But, as I said, by that point, I had already absorbed the notion that sex was bad and shameful, especially for girls. I knew it was acceptable to giggle about kissing boys but felt I had to keep my secret fantasies hidden — like those moments when I rubbed a pillow between my legs or wondered what it would be like for a boy to touch me. When rumors circulated at school, labeling me as the “slut” after my first boyfriend’s betrayal, I internalized shame. I didn’t understand much about sex, but I knew that “sluts” held no value.
By the time I finished puberty, I was far from alone in that knowledge. Today, in 2016, the landscape has changed dramatically. Back in the 1990s, my mom faced a monumental task of filtering inappropriate content, a challenge that has only intensified with today’s media landscape. While resources like Common Sense Media can guide parents in making informed decisions about what their children are exposed to, it’s impossible to control everything they encounter.
Parents can choose not to discuss sex, but children are naturally curious and will find their answers. They’ll hear misinformation from friends, absorb Hollywood myths, and increasingly encounter sexual content on social media. They are even just a click away from a plethora of online porn. It’s hard to imagine navigating puberty with such immediate access to sexual content; the internet has undoubtedly transformed the game.
Even kids with minimal exposure to sexuality will encounter messages about femininity in fast food commercials or seductive ads for clothing brands. We can’t prevent this material from reaching them, but we can equip them to understand and process it by discussing sexuality openly and comfortably from an early age.
Frequent, low-pressure conversations about sex, paired with honest answers to their questions, can help normalize the topic. This way, they grow up with accurate information and a healthy outlook on sex, enabling them to critically evaluate both media messages and peer influences. As parenting expert Ava Brooks suggests, we are not doing our kids any favors by being dishonest about sex; instead, we should provide them with the truth, allowing them to make informed choices.
Adolescence can be filled with confusion and fear, especially regarding sexuality, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We can break the cycle of discomfort. Through commitment to tackling those awkward questions, we can model a healthy approach to discussing sexuality as a normal, important part of life. We can utilize media interactions to initiate discussions about topics like consent, body autonomy, and the impact of rumors.
When these subjects arise, we can choose between perpetuating the awkward silence many of us faced or breaking the cycle. Let’s choose the latter. Let’s not instill fear regarding something that is an integral part of human experience. Let’s engage in open dialogues about sex.
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In summary, it’s crucial to foster an environment where children feel safe and informed about sexuality. By normalizing conversations about sex early on, we can help them navigate a world filled with conflicting messages and misinformation. Let’s commit to breaking the cycle of shame and misinformation surrounding this natural aspect of life.