It’s a well-known fact that the words we share with our children—no matter how brief—can have a profound and enduring effect. Our language can uplift or diminish, serve as a blessing or a curse, and create turmoil (much like our little ones themselves). However, there’s one particular phrase that can be especially perilous, and yet we say it frequently. I know I find myself saying it around twenty times a day, and chances are you do too, often without even realizing it.
What Are These Perilous Phrases?
What are these seemingly innocuous but perilous little phrases? “Mm-hmm” or its equally treacherous counterpart, “Uh-huh.” Technically, they’re not even words; they’re sounds that convey that 1) we’re listening, 2) we’re interested, and 3) we agree in some fashion. The irony is that most of the time, we aren’t genuinely doing any of those things.
We continue to use these sounds because they often achieve the desired effect: they make our kids stop bothering us without us having to say, “Go away! I’m busy!” Saying that would make us feel like terrible parents and leave our children feeling unimportant. So, we settle for the “mm-hmm” compromise, illustrated by this typical exchange:
Me: *struggling to balance the budget and focus*
Son: “Hey, Mom, do you know Max from the bus? Not the Max who always throws his lunch, but the one with the glasses? He got a new set of Pokémon cards for his birthday, and guess what? It had a Raichu Break card! But I’d rather have a Rayquaza C Lv. X because that’s super rare. Can I get a pack of cards if I do some chores? Or maybe a Pokémon T-shirt like the one Aaron has, you know, the one from Ms. Johnson’s class who wears orange socks? Can we check Target next time?”
Me: “Mm-hmm.”
Son: “Thanks, Mom! You’re the best!” *runs off*
In situations like this, it’s a lifesaver. We can return to our tasks, and the kids feel validated. In reality, I might only have caught a few key phrases—humping dog, Pokémon cards, Ms. Johnson, T-shirts—but it’s enough to get by.
The Importance of Genuine Listening
It’s crucial to genuinely listen to our children—to pause, make eye contact, and engage. If they only approached us at convenient times, like when we’re folding laundry or doing mindless chores, it would be easier. But kids seem to have a knack for wanting to talk while we’re on the phone with the insurance company or trying to meet work deadlines. So, we rely on our go-to response, the shallow cousin of true listening: mm-hmm.
However, while “mm-hmm” can be a quick fix, it’s also a gamble. It’s akin to playing roulette. It works often enough for us to trust it, but it can backfire spectacularly. Instead of a chat about Pokémon cards, it might go like this:
“Hey, Mom, remember Grandma’s cat, Patches? The one who was so cool? My friend Jamie—no, not the one who can’t say ‘pancakes,’ but the one with the orange socks—found a cat that looks just like Patches. It’s really skinny and its fur is falling out, and his mom won’t let him bring it inside. Can we help it?”
In this scenario, “mm-hmm” might give a moment of peace, but it could also lead to a sick cat and a pile of flea-infested straw, along with a very disappointed child. Not ideal at all.
A Word of Caution
So, fellow parents, tread carefully with your “mm-hmm” responses. The very phrase that seems to save your sanity can sometimes complicate matters even more.
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Conclusion
In summary, while “mm-hmm” might seem like a simple response, it has the potential to lead to unexpected complications. Be mindful of your words and the impact they carry.