Updated: Jan. 5, 2021
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2016
HUSBAND SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
When your partner asks how they look, follow these steps:
- Give them a thorough look.
- Take a reasonable amount of time to ensure your response seems genuine.
- Avoid staring too long, which might suggest they have flaws that aren’t actually there.
- Be honest, but keep it simple.
- The only acceptable response is, “You look amazing!”
Neglecting these guidelines could lead to a frantic outfit overhaul, an irritated mood, and possibly even running late to your plans. It may escalate to a level that could require the services of a divorce attorney!
Just kidding—sort of. Everyone in a serious relationship knows that questions like “How do I look?” or “Does this outfit make me look big?” can lead to a potential argument. You have to carefully balance honesty with sensitivity.
At least, that’s the case for guys. Women seem to feel free to express their thoughts candidly about their partners’ shortcomings, while men often find themselves caught in a web of white lies. If we were to voice any brutal truths, it would likely lead to chaos. While honesty is touted as the best policy, a little flattery goes a long way.
Occasionally, when my partner tries on a new dress and asks for my opinion, my responses—“Looks good!” or “No, you don’t look big”—are met with skepticism. “Really?” she asks, as if my first answer was a fib. I’m usually being truthful, but I get why she questions it; if I were to say something unflattering, it would unleash a storm of epic proportions.
However, when she critiques my appearance—nudging me to hit the gym, commenting on my hair, or suggesting I pluck a stray eyebrow—I’m expected to accept it without protest. If I were to return the favor, it would mean war, and trust me, she would emerge victorious.
It’s not that she’s trying to hurt my feelings or that she’s wrong; it’s just frustrating that she can speak her mind while I need to tread lightly. But honestly, it’s not a huge deal. I appreciate her as a partner, a friend, and a remarkable mother. Her fashion sense often outshines mine, and her nudges are sometimes just what I need to stay motivated. Ultimately, her appearance doesn’t change how I feel about her—she’s still the incredible woman I fell in love with.
But why this double standard? I’m not really sure. Is it because women are seen as fragile? That doesn’t hold up with my wife, who is one of the strongest people I know. To navigate the daily challenges posed by men, women often have to be tougher than us.
Perhaps it relates to societal expectations and the unrealistic beauty standards women face compared to men. Yet, once you’re in a committed relationship, those external pressures shouldn’t outweigh your partner’s feelings. (Yes, men have feelings too!)
I could ask my partner for her perspective, but I’m a bit scared she’d tease me about it.
This article was originally published on Sep. 13, 2016, and if you’re interested in related topics, check out our other blog posts like this one on home insemination. For expert advice, Make a Mom is a great resource. Additionally, UCSF has excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the tricky conversations about appearance in relationships can be challenging. While women often feel free to express their opinions about their partners, men are frequently caught in a web of white lies to maintain peace. This double standard can be frustrating, but ultimately, valuing your partner and their feelings is what matters most.