By: Mia Thompson
The little folded note slid silently across the library floor, coming to rest at my sneaker. I glanced around the empty aisle where I sat with my book, A Journey Through Time. No one in sight. Curiosity got the better of me, and I picked up the note. My heart raced as I read the cruel message from two girls I had considered friends only hours earlier. They referred to me as “It” and used harsh words to criticize my clothes, hair, and grades. Tears streamed down my face as I crumpled the note and stuffed it into my pocket. I hurried to the restroom, where I remained until the bell rang, signaling the end of recess.
What followed were weeks filled with bullying, exclusion, and whispers behind my back. Those two girls sent me nasty notes, warned others to steer clear of me, and ensured I was left out of social gatherings. I felt utterly lost, unsure why my so-called friends had turned against me, and too ashamed to seek help from teachers or my parents. The only option I saw was to bear it alone.
Fast forward to today, and my 11-year-old is starting middle school. I know that both boys and girls can show unkindness, but as the mother of three daughters, I often hear about the meanness that can arise among girls. Middle school brings new social dynamics, and it’s common for girls to test their social influence, sometimes at the expense of others. While nothing serious has happened yet, I want my daughter to understand a few key points about handling mean girls:
- Meanness is never acceptable. Regardless of the reason behind someone’s unkindness, it’s never right for them to bully you. Even if you feel you’ve provoked their reaction, their behavior is unjustifiable. I spent days trying to figure out what I had done to deserve that treatment, but in reality, nothing could justify their actions.
- Believe in yourself. Don’t let others define who you are. When those girls criticized me, I began to doubt myself. Remember, you are remarkable just the way you are, flaws and all. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
- Seek help. Some kids can confront bullies, but others may struggle, like I did. If you can’t handle the situation alone, reach out for help. Talk to a teacher, your parents, or another trusted adult. It can be tough, especially if the bully is popular, but you don’t have to face this alone. There are people who will listen and support you.
- Be an upstander. Remember that meanness is wrong, whether it’s directed at you or someone else. Stand up against bullies or seek help for those who are targeted. Ignoring the problem only allows it to persist. When you and your friends unite against mean behavior, you send a strong message that such actions won’t be tolerated.
- Mean girls have their struggles too. While it doesn’t excuse their behavior, understanding that mean girls may be dealing with their own issues can help you see the bigger picture. I learned later that one of the girls who bullied me was facing tough challenges at home. Recognizing that can provide some perspective, even if it doesn’t lessen your pain.
- Don’t be a mean girl yourself. Everyone has bad days, but it’s important to check in with yourself and ensure you’re not taking your frustrations out on others. Being mean is exhausting and unfulfilling. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to me. There are healthier ways to cope with those feelings without making others miserable.
Eventually, a teacher intervened and held the girls accountable for their actions, which gave me the courage to share my experience with my parents. They apologized sincerely, and I found it in my heart to forgive them, though I chose to distance myself and find new friends. While that experience was painful, it taught me valuable lessons for the future. The reality is, the world has its share of unkind people. Fostering strong self-confidence in my daughter and encouraging her to confront bullies directly may not eliminate mean girls, but it will certainly empower her to navigate those challenges more effectively.
If you’re interested in more tips on handling social dynamics during this age, check out our other blog posts, such as those on home insemination or resources about female infertility at Drugs.com.
Summary:
This article highlights essential lessons for tweens on dealing with mean girls, emphasizing self-worth, seeking help, standing up against bullying, and understanding the complexities behind unkind behavior. Encouraging confidence and resilience can help young girls navigate social challenges more effectively.