Do well-behaved kids still need rules and boundaries? You might wonder what I mean by a “good” kid. For me, it’s all about her track record. How often has she lied, or more accurately, how often have I caught her in a lie? Does she get into trouble at school? How does she act around her friends? And have I caught her doing something she knows is off-limits?
Aside from a couple of minor lies that she admitted to after some probing, I’d say my daughter is “good” by my standards. She just turned 14 last month, so I’m bracing myself for the teenage trials ahead. But so far, things have been smooth sailing.
You might think I’d be grateful for her good behavior, and I truly am. Still, I’ve realized that I need to find ways to assess her actions. Here’s the thing: if there are no rules, kids can’t break them. How would I know how well-behaved she really is if I don’t establish any boundaries?
So, despite her generally great behavior, I continue to set expectations. For instance, last summer, I let her go to an amusement park with friends (it’s a popular spot near Toronto). I was a bit anxious at first, waiting in line with her before watching her disappear into the crowd.
However, this decision came with conditions. The most important was that she needed to meet me outside at 7 p.m. She has a cell phone, so keeping track of time shouldn’t have been an issue. When 7 o’clock struck, I expected to see her walking toward my car.
The first time, everything went smoothly, and I felt proud of my parenting. But the second time, she made me wait 30 minutes in the parking lot without a single text or call to explain her tardiness.
When she finally emerged, I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of her friends, so I kept my cool. But after dropping them off, I had to inform her that she had lost a privilege. I wasn’t going to take away her trip to the park since I had already committed to that. But I did make her miss out on a friend’s party she was excited about.
Guess who spent the entire day locked in her room? Yup, that was her. She was furious with me for a few days, trying to negotiate, even crying and expressing how much she hated me. But I stood firm—breaking boundaries leads to consequences.
Looking back, it would have been easy to overlook her lateness; she had a reasonable excuse. But that wasn’t the point. Since she’s not a troublemaker, I have limited chances to enforce discipline. So, when those moments occur, I feel the need to enforce stricter consequences to ensure she understands the importance of boundaries.
And it’s been effective. At least, I think so—parenting often feels like a guessing game. We try things, observe our kids’ reactions, and hope we’re making the right choices. Regardless, I always communicate my expectations clearly to her. Ultimately, it’s up to her to decide if she can meet those standards. My hope is that as she matures, she will establish her own expectations, incorporating some of the lessons I’ve shared along the way.
If you’re interested in related topics, be sure to check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and consider visiting this site for more information on self-insemination. For more insights, you can also explore our other blog post on privacy here.
In summary, even if my daughter is generally well-behaved, I believe it’s crucial to set rules and expectations. Discipline isn’t just about punishing bad behavior; it’s about fostering a sense of responsibility and understanding the importance of boundaries. As she grows, my hope is that she learns to navigate her own expectations.