Dear Kids,
I want to take a moment to tell you just how much I love you. My love for you is equal to the love I have for your little brother, Max, who has special needs and often demands a lot of my time and attention. I see the way you care for him, and it fills my heart with joy. The affection you show him is truly touching; he loves those moments you share, whether it’s cuddling, enjoying Rice Krispies treats together, or playing tag. Although he doesn’t say much, his pretend growls and contagious laughter, not to mention his sparkling eyes behind those blue glasses, show just how much he enjoys being with you.
I know it can be frustrating at times. Believe me, I get tired of saying, “I need to help Max right now,” or “I can’t go out; I have to stay home with Max.” I’ve never been the type to stay in. I used to be the adventurous one, climbing to the top of the tallest sand dunes or zooming down thrilling water slides. But these days, I often feel like that version of me has faded, weighed down by the responsibilities of taking care of your brother, who at almost three still struggles to express his needs — and he’s quite the speedy little runner!
I’m working hard to balance my time with all of you. Can you see my effort? Sometimes it’s not just about Max; sometimes I’m just a mom who wants a moment to chat with friends at the pool instead of counting headstands. I’m still here for you, too.
When your dad is away, I always make sure to share my bed with one of you. I love lying in your room, talking about the little things. I hear your questions about why we don’t go out to dinner more often. Did you know we have gone out twice in just two weeks? I arranged for a babysitter so we could build sandcastles and swim together, just like old times. I want to be the mom you’ve always known.
Being a mom is incredibly challenging, and I want you to know how much I cherish you. I want to hold your hands, smooth back your messy hair, apply sunscreen to your nose, and pull you in for those long hugs. Please remember to voice your needs when I seem distant. I know I make mistakes and sometimes struggle to carve out my own time, but I promise to keep trying. Max may need a lot from me, but you three are the ones who truly shape my experience of motherhood.
Thank you for your love and understanding. You mean the world to me.
Much love,
Mom